Your Special Place

Your Special Place

we’re doing this

for your own good

think of this cell 

as your special place

a safe haven

from everyone around you

where no one is around you

no one to judge

mock

manipulate you

 

a place where you can be

yourself

regardless of how difficult 

others will find that self

they won’t have to learn

how to get along with you

nor will you have to compromise

in any way to fit in

 

isolation 

will make everyone happy

comfortable

because being comfortable 

is better than accepting change

“Go to your room.” was never a punishment to me but an escape. Not that I had anything to escape from but I was in a space where there was no direct outside force defining me expect, maybe, the need to do my homework. I fantasized at time about being in prison, based on my limited exposure to movies & novels about life behind bars, & thought being stuck in solitaire wouldn’t be such a bad thing expect for the lack of sunshine.

This piece spring from some of that but also it’s a look at the power of the ‘spin.’ How was isn’t anyone’s best interest is made to appear as if it come form a good place. Think of the colonizers who couldn’t convince native that western ideas were better than their native ways. Wear clothing your shameless savage – clothing that we will not only for you to wear but will sell you – because consumerism is good for the economy. Besides it says in the Bible you shalt not be bare-assed in the presence of the Lord.

There is a difference between isolation & neglect. Prisoners in solitaire know someone will be there daily to check on them daily. I’ve had friends who died alone in their apartments & their bodies weren’t found for weeks, months in one case & then only because the rent hadn’t been paid. No one missed them. That is a worse form abuse than solitary confinement. They, for whatever reasons, weren’t able to stay connected with the community around them because they were ‘difficult.’

One of the cunning tricks of isolation is that can become addictive, a way of disengaging from a world one isn’t comfortable with. Some prisoners deliberately ensure that they will be place in solitary to avoid having to cope with hostile environment of prison. 

This piece ends on an ambiguous note – who is that has to change? The person who doesn’t want to compromise or the culture that wants them to fit in.

 



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#NaNoWriMo Cascade & Sample.02

a look back to 2014

TOpoet

perfect nano

“I’ll be right down.” He glanced at the time on his cell. He wasn’t expecting Warszawa until after lunch. Something must have come up.

Since his first consultation for the RCMP he’d been called in on several cases where documents were concerned. Soft-wear he had developed enabled him to quickly ascertain if a photo had been doctored. In a couple of instances he had been able to remove the the alteration to reveal what was there before. He’d refined that to do the work on the child porn case.

He went down the back stairs to his office. Robert Warszawa was already sitting in front of his desk.

“Could you explain to Ushio (Dan’s assistant) I am not a good sergeant but a dogged Inspector.” he reached out to shake Dan’s hand.

“I’ve tried. He once asked why you don’t wear red.”

“That is what I’d call racial profiling.” Robert…

View original post 1,061 more words

The Luge vs. Picture Perfect

As expected the luge to 2020 has taken over so I haven’t done a lot of Picture work this past week. Decking the halls has always usurped the last week of NaNo for me in the past. Once I get that out of the way I can do some ‘serious’ editing work.

You check out another sample here:

#NaNoWriMo 2014 Cascade & Sample.02

http://wp.me/p1RtxU-WJ

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International LicenseHey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees 

 sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Things Change

I was going to call this post ‘the power of no’ but this is more about how ‘no’ changes things in unexpected ways. This will be a ‘too much information’ post as well so if you don’t want to read about the vagaries of gay male dating just look at the photos & skip to the poem at the end 🙂 Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

A few years ago I started seeing this married (to a woman) gay guy. He wanted a friendship outside the bedroom so we went out to dinners, went shopping for clothes together – that sort of thing. We talked about how to promote his business, family issues with children from his 1st marriage. I enjoyed being with him.

It was never an exclusive thing, nor did I expect it to be. Men sleep around, such is life. The sex was fun. We’d get together once a month or so. One of the guys he was seeing turned him on to poppers & grass – which he enjoyed – neither of which are a part of my life. We had a conversation around this. I didn’t mind him using poppers when we were together but drew the line there. Things don’t get smoked, vaped in my house. He was free to smoke up before he got here but I guess smoking up together is a form of foreplay. I even suggested he could try edibles. 

We enjoyed each other that night but … we haven’t had direct communication since then. Part of our deal was that he’d be in touch so I wasn’t to text etc lest it cause ripples in his domestic/business life. I’ve said hi when we both on the site where I first met him. No reply. His profile has been ‘updated’ with a line about preferring guys who enjoy the use of poppers & 420.

Such is life 🙂 This isn’t the first time, nor will be the last, where my decision to remain recreational drug free has changed my social life. Knowing the damage most of them do to the immune system is reason enough. In recovery I’ve heard many too stories of the progressive nature of recreational drug use – the need for stronger grass sort of thing – oh, why not try a line of coke. I doubt if my former playmate is an addict but I’m glad I’m not going be around to find out. Plus he has had an example of me for a few years not needing any enhancements to enjoy sex. This is how things end – not with a bang but a puff of smoke 🙂

The Drone of Silence

without hustle and bustle

there would be a vacuum

peace and quiet 

are as respites exceptions

until quiet turns into tedium

the need for distraction barges in

rescuing us from peace and quiet

things we want but only for so long

if we aren’t active then we are wasters

lazy-ass sitters-around up to no good

when we aren’t adding 

to the endless stutter of stuff 

by looking for that quiet spot 

or looking for the right noise suppressing earbuds

so you can be in the flow

but not have to hear the flow

drown out the mall music

the coughing slur of words

escape and hide 

while being in the middle of things

you can’t wait to get out of

get back to peace and quiet

where after five seconds

you are flipping through playlists 

for bird sounds

to really sooth you

while in the park

anything 

to drown out the drone of silence

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

January

Thursday 23 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

March
March 5 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

April
April 3 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Season 6 finales Buddies andBbad Times Theatre

May

Richard III – Stratford Festival

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

July

All’s Well That Ends Well – Stratford Festival

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

King Crimson

 

 

By King Crimson I have in my collection as stand-alones: In The Court of the Crimson King; Wake Of Poseidon; Lizard; Larks’ Tongues in Aspic. As mp3 I have the expanded In The Court of the Crimson King; Islands; Starless & Bible Black; Red. All hail the mellotron that dominates that first lp 🙂 Also, all hail the iconic cover art.

 

 

King Crimson crossed from quirky pop to progrock to experimental from track to track becoming progressively more experimental from lp to lp. Court starts with the harsh Schizoid Man and drifts into the hippy-dippy I Talk To The Wind. It never returns to that harsh sound. The band is similar (here)n at times to Moody Blues for overtly poetic lyrics. Also echos of Pink Floyd. But these groups cross-influenced each other.

 

I love ‘Cat Food’ (piano work stolen by David Bowie on Aladdin Sane). My favourite, of what I have, is ‘Larks’ Tongues in Aspec.’ The engineering is astonishing & the lp holds together as a whole. A another favourite track is ‘Ladies on the Road’ from Islands which has one of the dirtiest sax solos by Mel Collins I’ve ever heard by anyone.

 

 

King Crimson band members were involved in other notable bands: Lake in Emerson, Lake & Palmer; McDonald in Foreigner; Burrell in Bad Company, and Wetton in U.K. and Asia. Robert Fripp & Adrian Belew influenced decades of keyboard & guitarist & appear on uncountable tracks by nearly everyone 🙂 from David Bowie to the Rolling Stones to Tina Turner.

More Than A Little Fun

“You know, I sort of like you.” Juan pulled me closer to him in the bed.

“I hear that happens.” I kissed him. This was always the point where I got sort of antsy. I liked him. He was articulate, fun in bed, had a decent job. “But we’ve known each other for, what? Less than a month.”

“Long enough to know this more than a little fun for me.” He rolled with his back to me.

“If we were the same age how would you feel?” I spooned him.

“Ten years isn’t such a big difference when you pass thirty. Unless it means something to you.”

“Nope.” I had a different age in each profile, so I was never sure how old I was supposed to be. None of them my real age, either. That I did know. Plus having looked in his wallet earlier I knew he hadn’t been honest about his age either. He was younger than he claimed to be. I drifted off before I could answer him

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

December

The Secret Handshake Gallery – cancelled

January

Thursday 23 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

March
March 5 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

April
April 3 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Season 6 finales Buddies andBbad Times Theatre

May

Richard III – Stratford Festival

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

July

All’s Well That Ends Well – Stratford Festival

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Nice Shoes

samprules2

Working through the  227 Rules For Monks.

Who knew the simple life could be so complex.

Nice Shoes

1

I don’t compliment 

unless I mean it

a compliment is not flirting

a compliment is not a threat

a compliment is not a come on

is not another condescending 

patriarchal comment

based on cultural imposed definitions

of what is pretty 

handsome 

acceptable

2

I don’t compliment

it gets quickly misunderstood

misrepresented

one never knows

what damage the other person is carrying

sometimes nice smile

triggers the weight of history

nice hair

becomes inappropriate

3

I am leery of a compliment

it often has an agenda

of not-so-subtle manipulation

after all they like your poem

so it’s only fair

you read their unpublished manuscript

to decline turns the compliment

to a complaint

about some poets being

full of themselves

4

I’d rather be full of myself 

than build a sense of worth

on empty compliments

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees – thankspaypal.me/TOpoet 

The Keys To Sense of Purpose

Nothing To Lose

I was sure I left it there

it was there the last time I looked

I haven’t seen it

have you looked in here

have you looked anywhere 

or did you expect me to know

to keep an eye on things

without being asked

I don’t know where it is

I have more important things to do

no I didn’t move it

I didn’t see anyone take it

this is where I usually put it

I can’t leave the house without it

it can’t be replaced

there’s no reason for it to be moved

it has to be here always

it’s the perfect spot for it

it didn’t move itself

did it fall to the floor

is it under here

is it upstairs

did you even bring it with you

did you leave the house without it

you can always get a new one

it was time to move on

time to let go

of the hold of things

free yourself of objects

find a place

where there is nothing to lose

nothing to be looked for

nothing to be hidden

and everything

to be revealed

This piece is part list poem – various thoughts on misplacing something & usually not realizing until one is leaving, in a hurry but can’t got without it. I have a spot by my front door where I always put my keys, my sunglasses etc. Before heading out I have to make sure I have everything in my pockets or shoulder bag before I leave. Gone are the days of just putting a jacket & going somewhere.

 

By everything I mean phone, camera, coffee cards, credit cards, points cards, wallet (I no longer carry credit cards with my $), sometimes iPod, Kindle & something else, but I can’t remember what. If one of those items isn’t where I think I put it then I can’t leave without it. I change jackets and/or shoulder bags from day to day, so have to remember to transfer from one to the other.

 

Not too long ago I misplaced my Starbucks gold card. I searched every item of clothing I was wearing the last time I used it, shoulder bags were emptied, jacket pockets turned inside out, I checked the shop to see if I dropped it there. No where to be found. I went to the website to get a replacement but that process was endless & so I think I applied for a replacement but didn’t get even an auto-response so I must have done something wrong? 

The getting out a credit card out comes the Starbucks card stuck to it – I had tucked the card into a different part of the wallet than I usually do & never checked sufficiently the tiny tight compartment. It did mean I avoided Starbucks for a week or so, no big deal. The replacement never arrived, just as well, right.

Anyway back to this piece. It wavers between the list & a bit of a dialogue of being accused for losing whatever is lost – I didn’t see anyone take it. It take a slight philosophic turn with ‘free yourself of objects’ – to free myself of Starbucks wouldn’t be such a big thing. It delves into the mystic for the ending. What we can’t find may not be hidden or lost. 


Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee at Capturing Fire 2020 – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Cirque de Picture Perfect 

Looking back to my 2014 blogs about writing Picture Perfect – Cirque de #NaNoWriMo 2014 – http://wp.me/p1RtxU-Uo – follow the link to see where it all started 🙂

My writing process hasn’t changed that much – write – walk & think – write more. I’m not doing NaNoWriMo this year though to give me time to think of edits. One of things I’ve heard is you put your first draft away for a few years then go back to it. Which is what I’ve done – 5 years to be exact.

Much of that first draft has never been looked at since it was written so it needs lots of edits. Lots of typos, wrong words filled in by spell check, ‘x’ where names should be. In the edit process I’ll be keeping notes of names, connections. I have collected all the written sections in a file & have seen that I was organized enough those years to keep a running plot outline of what was in each section. How much will remain is to be seen as I start the work.

In the mean time I’ll be reposting each of my original NaNoWriMo blog posts from 2014/15/16 – with some editing to remove things no longer relevant.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International LicenseHey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees 

 sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Godzilla-a-Go-Go

I’ve just finished reading – A Critical History and Filmography of Toho’s Godzilla Series, a historical filmography book that analyzes the Godzilla series written by David Kalat. I queue jumped this to the top of my to-read-pile, putting aside one of the books I was already reading. I really enjoy books that put things into a larger cultural context & this books nearly delivers on that level.

It was great fun to read the background story of the financial vs art struggle of the monster. Kalat is a fan but gives balanced look at the weaknesses of the films. He also gives insight into how they were marketed in japan as oppose to how they were often reconstituted for the American market. The inept bad voice choice dubbing being the prime crime against Godzilla. I’ve always wonder why they can’t hire real actors to do this work – after all Disney uses well-know actors for their animation?

But Japanese films weren’t the only one to suffer hack dubbings – try watching any of the many Italian sword & sandal epics & one realizes bad dubbing was routine. The Italian movies often suffered the same reconstitution for the US market.

But I digress.

Kalat explores the soundtracks as well & often the film were stripped of their origin soundtracks for stock sound cues when released in the US. It is no wonder they often suffered critical drubbings. Seeing them now, thanks to TCM, I am happy to read subtitles & not be distracted by dubbing. The films are Japanese originals as well not that I have even seen the crappy US versions of may of these. They didn’t make it as far as Cape Breton.

I don’t take them as seriously as Kalat though. Much like Supermarionation, one always knows this is suitmation. The scale model work is impressive but never convincing. Some things can’t be scaled: water, fire but always love scenes were boats get capsized. Back projection work improved over the years but, Let’s face it, HD TV isn’t kind to back projection.

Kalat’s filmography ends in the early 2000’s. I would like to see many of the movies later movies but the Japanese versions are unavailable on DVD – i.e. Submerging Japan. I have seen the late 90’s ‘re-boot’ set in New York with Matthew Broderick as the scientist & despite many critical quibbles I really enjoyed it. The taxi chase scene is great & the Godzilla, although not the traditional one. was pretty good cgi. Fans want suitmation. 

Of the ones I’ve seen I’ve liked Godzilla vz Hedora (The Smog Monster) – pop art meets suitmation. The psychedelic music is wondrous, nightclub scenes are on point – who cares that Hedra, at points, looks more like melting candle. Also really enjoyed ‘Ebirah, Horror of the Deep.’ 

A great book beyond the Godzilla content for its insights into the American domination of the world film industry.

The Glory of Godzilla https://wp.me/p1RtxU-3Tp 

Lock and Key

I don’t know

how many doors I’ve walk though

how many I’ve shut behind me

never to look back

how many keys I’ve had copied

how many I have lost

how many I have 

in a drawer rattling around

with forgotten doors to open

no way of finding their way home

had a book of photos of doors

doors around the world

some partially open 

some with a face peeking shyly out

most shut solid

barring me for seeing deeper

never saw a book of keys

they’re a deeper mystery for me

I have an idea where a door might lead

but a key

what lock does it match with

what could it unlock for me

the keys to the highway

the door to the unknown

could it open your heart

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

December

The Secret Handshake Gallery – feature – date TBA

January

Thursday 23 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

March
March 5 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

April
April 3 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Season 6 finales Buddies andBbad Times Theatre

May

Richard III – Stratford Festival

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

July

All’s Well That Ends Well – Stratford Festival

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet