Then Things Changed
yes
that was me
then
those were my words
then
I believed what I said
things change
I change
stop trying to pour me of today
into the image of me
then
people tell me I’ve lost weight
when I was never aware
that they were aware
of what I weighed
that what I look liked mattered
then
I didn’t know or care
yet now that I’ve changed
physically in their eyes
they still see me
as the same person
but not so fat
they never said I was fat
then
mind you
but that I’ve lost weight since
then
I don’t say what I once said
my world view has changed
become broader
& more refined at the same time
my body gets narrow
my vision get clearer
in ways people notice
people I hadn’t set out
to be noticed by
then
now knowing
they’ve been looking
that they are capable of comparing
the old me
then
with the new me
I still don’t give a shit
but
thanks for noticing
One of the things that ‘bugs’ me about the the way media spins our reality has been demonstrated in the recent press about sexual predators. The press will report on a event that took place, say 20 years ago with pictures of the victim as they were 20 years ago but of the perpetrator as they appear today – creating the impression that this, say, 60 year old molested this 20 year old – when in fact the perpetrator was 30 at the time.
I know that at 20 I said things that I admit where foolish, stupid, racist, sexist – spouting things I I would disagree with today. I’ve learned better & recognize that thinking can change. So when he press digs up some foolish thing a 20 year old did to smear them at 50 I think, of the ‘digger’ – where you a saint all your life? Give people credit for growing up & changing.
In this piece I use weight as an example of how we change, of how people remember us & perceive us based on that memory. It’s also about the back-handed compliment – too have never thought of oneself of being over-weight & then being told you look better after losing weight clearly mean that some once thought you were fat fat fat.
There’s also sense of how, in my case at any rate, one loses appearance/body consciousness – how others actual see us as opposed to what we see in the mirror – how it easy to think no one actually notices us at all or that they care how we look enough to compare today with the past.
This is the last of the 48 laws. Hurrah! I certainly enjoyed the challenge of using them as prompts. I did find them more manipulative than anything else – how to give the right image, how to use people for one’s benefit as opposed to how to be a better person. In the new year I’ll collect all of them &n my comments together for a possible eBook.
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet