Age in Play

One of the men I see frequently recently celebrated his birthday. He is much younger than me. As are most of the men I am intimate with – part of that is the aging process, part of that is that many men around my age won’t have sex with men around my age. I’m not that concerned with age, though I do find over-30 is a reasonable boundary – but younger is fine if they fit some of my preferences 🙂

I’m only thinking about the age gap because the hosts of Gayish podcast, on an earlier podcast, tangent-talked about what the youngest & oldest person they’ve been intimate with & another time talked about when was too old to go clubbing (apparently 30 is the cut off age for clubbing). Both of them concluded that more than 10 year older or younger, was the limit for  either of them. What they don’t realize is that the older you get the less restricted the age limit will become.

 

In North American culture ageism is unavoidable – often the notion of an older person with some clearly involved someone younger is seen as a joke, ‘no fool like an old fool,’ ‘I hope the money is good.’ Even I find it creepy in movies to see the older male star become the romantic object of a much younger female star. Is she looking for a daddy figure, a sugar daddy, or merely a more sexually experienced partner? Or is some writer indulging his own sex fantasy?

 

I’ve blogged about some of this before – the way sexually active seniors are viewed as perverts of some sort or denied any right to be sexual – at your age you should be over all that. Though I’m not sure what age is ‘your age.’ Not that I see myself as a senior either 🙂

This is a piece I’ve performed many times. The gap represents a pause I take when I do the piece & nearly every time there has been an audible gasp from someone in the audience.

Boyfriend

I’m so excited   

I have a new boy friend

he’s barely fifteen

 

 

 

 

years younger than me

 

did that pause catch you off guard 

were you sure I was going to say 

he was only fifteen years old

 

was it hard enough to think of a man

having a boyfriend at all

then add to it 

the shudder that it was

an innocent 

emotionally underdeveloped

fifteen year old child

 

though I can remember me at fifteen

jacking off to visions of rock star cock

Jimi Hendrix        Bruce Springsteen

that I wished there in my bed

telling you too much am I

get used to it

I’ve heard enough straight poets go on 

sparing no intimate details

about blissful raspberry nipples

moist peach fuzzed mounds 

 

so I’ll talk about man on man action

even if it makes some of you restless

a bit bored     a bit threatened

girl on girl would make you more comfortable

I usually try to make the nestling 

of men’s bodies into each other

sound sort of sweet and tender

pulling myself away 

from the gasp   grasp of sweat    pubic hair

 

so I’m excited 

about my new boyfriend

though I hate ‘boyfriend’

boy carries that too young taint

man friend isn’t close

lover is more complex 

than it is at this point

bed buddy     yeah I like that 

 

I have a new bed buddy

he’s nearly fifteen 

years younger than me

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

every Tuesday 2019

July

Stratford Festival – Nathan The Wise

August 2-13: getting back to my roots in Cape Breton
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee on my trip to Cape Breton – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

September

Shaw Festival – Sex (Mae West)

Stratford Festival – Little Shop Of Horrors

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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Old Enough To Know Better

Old Enough To Know Better

some say that age

is just a number

you are as old as you feel

not as you act

but if you don’t act your age

you are trying to fool people

 

age may be just a number

but one that tells a story

one that defines you

generalizes 

labels your place in life

 

people don’t even need to meet you

but if they know your age

it has told them everything 

they need to know

like race gender

colour of your hair

each tells others

all about you

even if they never spoken to you

 

if you are that blond

well everyone

already know about blonds

even ones you’ve never met

we know all about that black guy gal

just by looking

everything is revealed by

her over-made eyes

his six-pack

 

six-pack is just a number 

right

a rib-cage

not a personality

an age is a cage

used to lock away

sight unseen

 

how old am I

why ask

it’s just a number

not a death sentence

 

There’s an episode of Designing Women in which a character who dates older men tells the one she’s currently dating to act his age – so he dies. The joke being that at his age most men were already dead. Now, I’m not at that age, or at least I don’t think I am. How old do you have to be to shot in a church? Not that I’d be caught dead in a church, but that’s another story.

 

This piece is as much about aging as it is about how easy it is to slot people into categories based on age, race, gender, job etc. One facet being enough to define them in such a way it becomes difficult to see them beyond that one facet. What team do you like in the play-offs? Saying one isn’t into sports isn’t the right answer. My reply is usually ‘the team that wears the least.’ Ambiguity apparently breeds distrust.

 

This is how ‘image’ sells. Photos of stars without make-up are often rendered unrecognizable. Privacy is obtained by disguising themselves as themselves not as the product sold on screen. But treat the dressed-down version as an ordinary person & beware, right?

In the shallow world of on online gay male dating age is nearly as crucial as dick size. In fact I’ve seen profiles say, to the effect that, ‘if you are over 50 your dick better be over 8 inches.’ One learns that many men aren’t the age this say they are, or that the photos of them are actually 10 years old.

 

 

I’m not keen of being confined by any definition. So when asked, how big is your dick, I’ll say ‘more the enough to satisfy;’ when asked my age I’ll usually say ‘old enough to know better.’ 


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The Eye of The Old Beholder

On a recent Disability After Dark Andrew Gurza talks about getting old! He’s just turned 34 & wonders if he’s now officially a Daddy 🙂 As far as I know that isn’t official until either you have fathered a child or turned 45. Finding a few grey hairs in one’s pubes doesn’t count. For those out-of-the-know ‘Daddy’ is one of the many gale male age divisions. Twink is another. Too many to list. Once one passes Daddy they are ‘Older’ & for many no longer sexually viable, even by other’s who live long enough to be ‘Older.’

Speaking of grey hairs I had a friend who several years ago discovered some grey in his pubes. This distressed him to the point that he tried to colour those pubes! He tired various dyes, Grecian formula, hair dye & others to restore his pubes to jet black. It was partially successful but … the combination of sweat, of body parts trapped in undies all day, resulted in an unfortunate aroma. To make matters worse he started to ‘shed.’ Lesson learned. This a friend & not me – I’m a natural ginger-pube man – for photographic proof send $10 to my paypal link below & say ‘proof please, sir.’

I’ve mentioned before being ‘rejected’ by some men when they realize I’m older than they prefer. Age limits on some sites are quite specific – men between x & x years; or no one over x; some are more general: with Daddies being at top end of the age list. Some profiles are more explicit. It’s no longer pc to say ‘no fats, fems, etc’ but it’s fine to say ‘no one over 50’ & not get called out for ageism. Sadly often those who say ‘no one over 50’ are themselves over 50.

I don’t think queer culture is markedly different from its larger cultural context though – youth is the ideal. Old is tolerated but not the hot ticket. I’m sure the cosmetics market would be lost without all those creams (some of which I do use on my face) to keep one looking youthful & therefore sexually viable. One’s value & self-worth in a jar of goo that is usually hidden from the eye of the old beholder.

A Walk in the Park

I was walking though the park

eyes open for dog shit on the pathway

I turn a corner and there is this couple 

female splayed on a bench 

a man on his knees between her legs

she moaning pushing his head deeper 

his hairy ass bare in the sun

 

her eyes catch mine

I can’t tell if the expression

is pleasure invitation dare

or what the fuck are you looking at

he stands and half turns to me

hard cock flashing in crisp light

she licks her lips 

 

I keep going   that image in my mind

his jeans crumpled below his knees

her panties around one ankle

their faces gleaming beaming

what brought them to that place and time

were they walking along 

so aroused they had to have each other 

was she a working girl 

and didn’t care where she made a buck

did they need an audience

to take them to another level of orgasm

 

when I doubled back

all that remained 

was a pair of panties

             pink

damp

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http://www.queerslam.com

every Tuesday

June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked)
 capfireslam.org 

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.5 + 7 = ?

In a recent post on one of the blogs I follow, The Howling Fantogs, there is a discussion of age, sex and relationships in our altruistic, all-inclusive GQLBiTXYZ community. I found myself agreeing with much of what Fantog and various commenters have to say – that age isn’t always relevant to the success of a relationship. If it’s going to work it will.

drawers who wants to get into these old drawers

The age formula (half your age plus seven) talked about is one I’ve come across before. Interesting in theory but in practice seems arbitrary and unrealistic. I have spent some time, in the past, not nearly much now, on various gay ‘dating’ sites & the majority of gay guys, regardless of their age, want under 30. If you are over 50, meeting guys your own age or under 50 isn’t easy unless you are ‘well-hung only’ – though I suppose that rule comes into play for any age 🙂

balls who wants big balls of fun

When, like I am, you are over 50 & average sized, most guys simply aren’t interested – even less when you don’t p&p, don’t live within 5 minutes of a downtown coffee shop or aren’t willing to do anything (or pay) to experience the gracious pleasure of their touch. I didn’t mean to get off on a rant about ageism 🙂

I suspect what people are looking for is a formula that means a lasting relationship – because only a lasting relationship is of value. I thinks it’s a sad reflection on our queer culture that our self-worth gets so tied into making relationships last.

pillow cold pillow colder heart

I know age plays a part in compatibility but not as much as social context, life experience & shared interests. There’s always sexual chemistry too. I’ve had great, intense relationship with men half my age, even younger than that too.

Of course if they don’t get this poetry thing it’s not going to work regardless of the formula.

Interesting article: http://www.gayguys.com/2014/08/young-gay-guys-becoming-attraction-older-men/

soon

November 1-30 – participating – NaNoWriMo 2014 – http://nanowrimo.org

nanowrimo

see you in December 🙂

samples

Taking it Personal

I try not to take the personals personally

what they want

is a little sliver of perfection

to control

to hold

in an unalterable limbo

where the moment

there is a disagreement over anything

out you go

betrayal takes hold

bitterness sets in

so that they become

even more precise in what they want

as those parameters get smaller

the pool of possibility gets shallower

and they aren’t looking for anyone shallow

you must be complex

have a sense of humor a job

go to a gym

or at least have a big dick

even the most sincere

let that magic wand

wave away the deeply needed

personal attributes they are seeking

when they are talking long term

they mean only as long

as you are obedient

as long as you fulfill certain

fantasy requirements

until someone with more $

or a bigger dick comes along

I try not to take the personals personally

often they don’t want to take you personally

they just want some attention

when I meet someone

and they are none of the things they are looking for

I wonder if they read the ad they wrote

wonder if they know what they want

because even when I am

exactly what they are looking for

I’m not

I try not to take the personals personally

and so far have succeeded

never met the wrong guy that way

never met the right guy that way

not looking for perfection

certainly opens the field

though I don’t waste my time

with those looking for perfection

I know they are only seeking

the safety of the impossible

heart love a la crock

My Most Difficult Challenge

This was posted on twitter recently: “I’ve got a question for my compatriots in the #LGBT community: What’s the most difficult challenge you’ve faced in life so far?”

Over the years I have dealt with coming out, getting clean & sober, falling in & out love, and far too many HIV deaths. But the most difficult challenge hasn’t been so dramatic. It’s the wrestle with body image. Yeah that sounds pretty mundane.

driedup dried up and useless old plants

But in a culture where youth is the coin of opportunity, where an undercurrent of conformity closes way too many opportunities.

One area that exemplifies this is ageism. Sometime I glance at Craig’s list, I am on a couple of cruising sites too. All too often I see posting by men over 50 that say – only ages between 25-35 need apply. Funny for a time when I was in that target group the idea of sex with a man over 50 seemed unattractive but I quickly got over that.

crack are you hung enough to fill my crack

The reverse is also pretty blatant – guys under 40 who say, in effect, ‘no one old enough to be my dad, unless you’re super hung.’ So now sizeism enters the picture.

oldshoes useless old shoes

Being a gay guy over 50, average dick size, who is clean and sober is a constant challenge to one’s sense of attractiveness – which I see as a body image issue. I’m pretty happy with my self, mind you, but every now & then someone comes along, on line, when I decline their invite (mainly becuase I’m not inot what they are into), with something like – ‘at your age you should be grateful, anyone wants you, granddad.’

I hope they realize they too will get older.

soon02

 

August 28-31 – attending – FanExpo Canada http://www.fanexpocanada.com

newpine

samples

Taking it Personal

 

I try not to take the personals personally

what they want

is a little sliver of perfection to control

to hold in an unalterable limbo

where the moment

there is a disagreement over anything

out you go

betrayal takes hold   bitterness sets in

so they become

more precise in what they want

those parameters get smaller

the pool of possibility gets shallower

and they aren’t looking for anyone shallow

you must be complex

have a sense of humour a job

go to a gym

or at least have a big dick

even the most sincere let that magic wand

wave away the deeply needed

personal attributes they are seeking

I know when they are talking long term

they mean only as long

as you are obedient

as long as you fulfill certain

fantasy requirements

until someone with more $

or a bigger dick comes along

 

I try not to take the personals personally

often they don’t want to take you personally

they just want some attention

when I meet someone

and they are none of the things they are looking for

I wonder if they read the ad they wrote

wonder if they know what they want

because even when I am

exactly what they are looking for

I’m not

 

I try not to take the personals personally

and so far have succeeded

never met the wrong guy that way

not looking for perfection

certainly opens the field

though I don’t waste my time

with those looking for perfection

I know they are only seeking

the safety of the impossible

with a big dick

carte time for a change a la carte