Picture Perfect 117 

Picture Perfect 117

They drove out the museum which was opened  for general pubic except for the area roped off for the banquet for the anniversary. Dan showed his guest pass and made sure his Lifend video flow was turned on as they made their way to the Exhibits Hall. 

There were dioramas for each decade complete with posters, mannequins in circus costumes, & in some cases performers recreating the sideshow acts. Knife thrower, sword swallower; crystal ball reader. The Tut-mania was the most elaborate of the 80’s. Snakes in glass tanks graced either side of its entrance. Behind them were live belly-dancers. It was a weird mix of Aladdin and Cleopatra. There was several people inside being given tour by one of the Museum guides.

“As you can see the centre piece is an approximation of the actual tomb of Tut. All the artifacts were created for our exhibit. There’s no claim that any of them are authentic.”

“So, that’s not real gold?” Someone asked.

“No.” The guide said. “The total weight of golditems and jewelry in his tomb was about 1200 kilograms. Worth over seven million dollars. So no this isn’t real gold.”

The group laughed.

“The mummies are fantastic.” A woman said. “I’ve seen some in Cairo and these look like the real thing.”

“We were painstaking about getting things as accurate as possible. That’s why we were all so disappointed when the Tut show was a flop. It took the wind out of the owners. They didn’t even want to tour the show the next year.”

“Where were they fabricated?” Dan asked.

“Some of the work was done by our own staff.”

Mummies of various sizes were posed as if worshipping Tut. A couple were on their own marble altars.

“These small ones.” The guide explained. “Were children who were sacrificed at the same time. They were sent so Tut would have playmates in his afterlife.”

The word ‘playmates’ jolted Dan. No!

“These are the original mummies fabricated for Tut-mania?” he asked.

“Oh yes. We’ve had them in cold storage. Costumes too. The mummies didn’t all arrive at once at the time. It took a few weeks to get them all.”

“Do you have any idea of how they were made?”

“You want trade secrets?”

“Just curious.”

The guide went to one of the playmate mummies. 

“Rest assured The Happy Hippo couldn’t afford real mummies any more than they could afford real gold. These are wire under-frames wrapped in gauze.” The lifted the arm of the mummy gently. It came loose and a real bone protruded from the unravelling gauze. The gauze was a mix of real gauze & various fabrics.

“That’s Timmy’s t-shirt.” Dan said involuntarily.
“Timmy?” The guide stared at the arm.

“Don’t drop it.” Dan commanded. “Put it gently on the floor.”

“Yes.” 

While the guide was putting the arm down Dan texted Robert Warszawa a top-priority code with his location at the exhibit.

“On my way.” Warszawa replied.

“Get forensic unit.” Dan texted.

“Will do.”

“What did you think you’re doing?” Another of the guides pushed people aside. “Oh it’s you! Not getting enough publicity for your stupid show. Get out of here before I call security.”

“They’re on their way.” Dan said.

“And put that camera down.” The guide turned to Cameron & tried to push him back.

“Too late.’ Cameron said, nodding at one of the news reporters with a camera on the other side of the crowd.

Jennifer stepped into the exhibit & held her hands over the shoulders of another of the mummies. 

“Another one.” She paled with the realization.

“Get out of there!” The first guide pulled her back into the crowd.

Warszawa arrived with Sergeant Coster with him.

“We’ve found them.” Dan said.
“Which them?” Coster asked.

“The remains of some of the children.” He pointed the the display. “Mummified.”

Sergeant Coster kneeled to inspect the arm on the floor. She stood. “That is a human bone. How can you be sure it is one of the children?”

“The fabric.” He pulled up the photo of him & Timmy sitting on the steps. “The same stripes. The same colours.”

“Okay.” she sighed deeply. “We’ll have to close down the exhibit to the public.”

“You can’t …”
“We can & we will.” She said.

“This is some cheap publicity stunt. How do se know you didn’t plant this here.” The guide stared at Dan.

“Ask your security cameras.” Dan pointed to one of them. 

“Everyone please exit the exhibit hall.” Coster & two officers escorted the public from the hall. “The forensics team require all the space they can get.”

“You can’t shut me down!” Winston Chamberlain strode into the hall. “Not now. With what’s going on!”

“Mr. Chamberlain, the Tut exhibit is closed to the public. The rest of the facility will remain open.”

“Just because one of these … props had a bone in it? You don’t even know if it’s a human bone. Or even a real bone.”

“I know it’s a real bone.” Sergeant Coster said.  “The forensic’s team will be here shortly. If it a human isn’t then you can reopen. Is this all of the mummies?”

“No. We left three in storage. There wasn’t enough space to put up the entire array.” Winston said.

“Okay, we don’t know for a fact that these are the remains of any of those children.” Warszawa said. “Mr. James, do you have any proof other than your fuzzy photograph?” Winston made air quotes when he said fuzzy.

“I trust my gut. This is them. Maybe not all of them but some of them.”

The forensic team arrived followed by some TV crews that had been covering the gala.

As they arrived a reported stepped to the entry of the hall.

“Stacy Molefski, here. We are interrupting the broadcast of the Chamberlain Gala with breaking news. Authorities have discovered human remains in one of the museums exhibits. Remains that may be a clues in the recently re-opened cold case of the children who disappeared in the 80’s …. Mr. James. Mr. James?”

Dan reluctantly went over to her.
“What can you tell me about this unexpected discovery?”

“Stacy you know about as much as I do. I can’t comment until we get confirmation for the Forensic team that these are actually human bones.”

“And if they are what can they tell about those missing children.”

“First they’ll need dna testing to ascertain identity. That could take up to two weeks.” Dan said. “It’s not like you see in TV crime shows where they put a drop on the bone, run that result through a computer & up pops photos of the victim.”

“Dan?” Warszawa waved from him to come back to the exhibit.

“As you can see I have official business to take care of.”

“Thanks for your time Mr. James.”

Dan walked over to Warszawa.

“You were right.” Warszawa said. “These are human bones. The examiner believes the size indicates the ones here are children bones. They’ve done a cursory check of the other mummies & there are bones of some sort in all of them.”

“They’ll all be taken to the regional hospital to be X-rayed before they are unwrapped though.” Costner explained. “They want to make sure before disturbing the uh …. remains unnecessarily.”

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License

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Procol Harum

By Procol Harum I have as stand-alones their 1st 1967; Shine on Brightly 1968; as mp3: A Salty Dog 1969: Home 1970; Broken Barricades 1971; With the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra 1972; Grand Hotel 1973 (Christine Legrand). Hits compilations: Best of A&M 1972; Chrysalis Years 73-77 1989. And solo works: Robin Trower: Bridge of Sighs 1974: Gary Brooker: No More Fear of Flying 1979. I have had some of their later work but it didn’t resonate enough for me to keep it.

I remember the power of first hearing Whiter Shade of Pale. Keith Reid’s ornate lyrics (very T.S Eliot) were matched by the ornate organ work. It was, & still is, the epitome of prog-rock. I loved the Beardsley cover art which reflected perfectly the structured, decadent music within. Lush without strings, dense without feeling leadened. Classical without being apologetic. Gary Brooker sings as if he wrote these lyrics himself.

Over the albums guitar became more prominent & at times they were as riff heavy as Led Zeppelin. The organ/piano combination inspired many groups including The Band. I remained a fan & was disappointed when the group ‘retired’ after many changes in members. When they regrouped decades later I give them a listen but although the sound was still solid I found in uninspired.

Each album has tracks love. As whole I love Shines On Brightly with is mystic side 2 that takes that mysticism where even the Moody Blues never went. Simple Sister is another favourite, The Devil Came From Kansas, Michelle Legrand (of Swingle Singers) is amazing on Grand Hotel.

The engineering on the lps is amazing – so much so that the Live Edmonton recording suffers. The addition of the orchestra adds nothing to their sound & the spoken portions are nearly impossible to make out. MP3 doesn’t improve the sound quality either. My least favourite of the lps that I have. Procol was adult rock that accidentally was radio friendly.

I also have some of their solo projects. Robin Trower’s Hendrix heavy guitar work dominates his solo albums, to good effect. I love Bridge of Sighs though it does veer into Bad Company territory.  Brooker’s Flying lp is dense, interesting enough, but I can’t name a track on it off the top of my head – something for Harum completest.

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Viva Vivaldi

Did Vivaldi (1678 – 1741) compose anything other thank the Four Seasons? On my shelf I have a 40 cd boxset that isn’t 40 versions of the Four Seasons. In fact this boxset doesn’t contain his complete works either. He composed at a time when folks played music in their homes or heard it in churches. It was music for the masses & Masses, not for elitist concert halls & massive orchestras.

I do have multiple version of The Four Seasons though. As stand alone I have it by il Giordino Armonico which I heard on CBC. The sound quality amazed me – it is as if you are standing in the middle of the small chamber orchestra. I have Nigel Kennedy’s energetic romp through it. Also some fun jazz takes – Moe Kaufmann’s is  delightful & worth tracking down. Wendy Carlos’ Sonic Seasonings stretches it into the stratosphere. The Koto Ensemble version is also a delight.

The box set reveals the full extent of Vivaldi’s versatility as a composure with delightful sonatas for flute, recorder, violin, mandolin & more. All with complex continuo support, at times by organ, harpsichord or viola. There are some of his masses, motets, cantatas, concertos & songs. Even his transcription/adaptations of Bach. 

As I worked though the box set his influence on later romantic composers becomes clear. The final cd is La Senna Festeggiante which is one of his serenatas that is almost an opera. Like when listening to Mozart, you wonder

when did this man sleep. 



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The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment

no I have nothing to add

others have said enough

their need to be heard

is much more urgent to them

for them to hear anything

out of me or anyone else

<>

there’s no need for me to 

express myself

I’m quite content to listen 

to sort though the layers 

of this conversation

people talking over each other 

the louder the voice

the more important the message

<>

I have nothing to say

so let me remain silent

I’m not one to contradict

even when I don’t agree

nothing will be gained

by outshouting anyone

to share my truth

<>

it is clear the loudest voice

also conveys the most valid opinion

one that will echo forever

so don’t ask me to say anything 

don’t push the microphone at me

at least

not until

everyone else

shuts the fuck up

Recently I had a friend ‘B’ ask me for some advice about a situation & I said that had none. They asked why & I replied because they don’t listen. B was a little taken aback & as I explained B kept interrupting & I stopped & asked B why they don’t listen & B said because they were a rebel. Doing what people tell you makes you sheep. I said – then why ask me anything?

Don’t get me wrong it’s not as if I am free this behaviour but I have learned not to blame the rain for being wet. So I don’t complain that most people are not listeners. The American political scene is built on denying what others hear – the facts have become irrelevant. Shouting that that someone else is wrong has taken the place of being responsible for one’s own actions. Not taking responsibility is called being a rebel.

There’s a saying ‘would you rather be right or happy.’ Not that one can’t be both but often the energy of proving you are right isn’t worth the aggravation. Some time ago, thanks to those recovery defect steps, I realized that I was more interested in clever, cynical remarks than I was in having actual thought out opinions. As I curbed the need to be clever I actually began to hear people rather than listen till I had the right response.

One of best features of most 12 step recovery discussion groups it that we are encouraged to listen, commenting directly on what another member says is discouraged. members get to share without interruptions. On line once can go a step further by minimizing to audio only – you don’t even have to see who is sharing – all visual clues are removed & letting tone of voice resonate.


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Recap April 2022

The TOpoet.ca following blog grew with over 600 people get notification whenever I post a new blog! The WP map does show my hits have come from  countries around the world. The USA tops the world list is interest but that Mauritius (Bonjour abonnés mauriciens) & Ghana are in the top 10 is a surprise. As you can see by the top 10 posts That’s Not Funny (https://topoet.ca/2022/04/26/thats-not-funny/) tops the list. F**k Cancer is a post from 10 years that made a trip to the top 10! 

Picture Perfect: 114 sections, about 162,000 words posted so far with about 25,000 words left to be edited then posted. I also cut some 2000 words out this past week & figure there’ll be another 2000 to get chopped soon. So I could be done by the end of the summer.

Synchronicity often puts books together for me. Last month I finished Stephen Leacock’s London Travels eBook & next on that eBooks shelf was Sunlight & Shadow (1880) by John Bartholomew Gough (died 1886). He was a temperance orator! The book is his reflection on life in London as he brings his message & it is fascinating – & also a little sad as attitudes towards alcohol & poverty haven’t changed much since then. What is amazing is that his comments on being misrepresented by the press are still relevant, plus his ‘tips’ on speaking in public hold true for today as well.

Read ‘Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger’ by Brontez Purnell – this is hilarious & highly recommended. Unfiltered Sedaris-like essays on the vagaries & vulgarities of gay male life. I laughed out loud often. Be prepared for explicit sex & language.

Enjoying Servant of the People – the eerily prophetic Volodymyr Zelensky series. The writing is fearless in its political attack, the performances are spot on, though as it turns out Zelensky wasn’t acting, merely rehearsing for the role of a lifetime. Here in Canada Vision has been showing it with English subtitles which I presume aren’t censored or mistranslating what is being said. 

I have been getting to one in-person recovery meeting a week. The return to meetings in Toronto has been slow even though the only requirement by meeting spaces is that we stayed masked. Like many I’m not comfortable with more than ten people in a large room, even when all are masked. A couple of the zoom meetings closed for their in person meeting but returned to zoom to run both. I think zoom recovery is here to stay.

Two visits to my dentist this month, so I’m not sure what my summer plans are after having that $$ turned into fillings. The other drain on my summer plans was a new TV, as the ‘old’ one was losing its plasma picture – it was like watching though a thin layer of smoke that was getting smokier by the week. We found it was impossible to find one without internet in its system 😦 Getting it set up was a maze of menus but once again we can enjoy full screen & amazing colour. 

After the winter of our discontent, coming up in May, a day trip to Stratford  to see Richard III. We will be driving regardless of this entreaty “A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!”

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Prine Prick At A Price

As a stand alone I have Lloyd Price’s Lawdy Miss Clawdy. It was one of The Essential Blue Archive series that were budget price compilations of early r’n’b artists. I knew the ‘hit’ from golden oldies but that was it. This is an excellent collection, the sound quality is excellent too. A fine voice & great New Orleans style blues, soul & worth having.

Another stand alone is Prick’s 1995 cd. I heard the song ‘Animal’ on a College Music Journal compilation CD & loved the guitar sound & the satisfying flesh ripping effect. The lp is aggressive without being pounding. Subversive songs & not a commercial success as the band didn’t care about radio or MTV appeal.

By John Prine I have lp to cd transfers of John Prine 1971 that includes ‘Hello In There’; Diamonds in the Rough 1972: includes “The Frying Pan” “Yes I Guess They Oughta Name a Drink After You”; Sweet Revenge 1973; as mp3 – Lost Dogs & Mixed Blessings 1995. His sound is labelled country-folk, sort of a less rock version of John Cougar Mellencamp. I loved his acerbic humorous merciless & sometimes emotionally stunning lyrics. A critics darling but never a huge public success. Maybe thanks to lyrics like ‘there’s a hole in Daddy’s arm where all the money goes.’

His songs are stories as opposed to let’s dance or I love you & ‘a note in the frying pan said she ran off with the fuller brush man’ His influence is seen in Mellencamp, Springsteen & Jackson Browne. Even Bette Midler has covered his songs! Diamonds in the Rough is a good starter if you are unfamiliar with this amazing songwriter.

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Prince and Philip

I remember the first time I heard Prince. It was at the dance at an AA roundup in Detroit March 1982 … & the song was Little Red Corvette & the song lifted me right off the floor. I couldn’t wait for the lp to be released: became my album of the decade 🙂

I have as stand-alone or mp3: 1999 (1982), Purple Rain, Sign O’The Times (1987), Batman (1989), Diamond & Pearls (1991), Come (1994), Musicology (2004), 3121 (2006), The Very Best, Originals (2019).

I wouldn’t call myself a fan though. There are great tracks ruining though all his lps & often tedious romantic ballads that aren’t for me. The lyrics are sometimes sexually frank, even funny. Part of his initial reputation was assured by such direct lyrics like ‘masturbating with a magazine.’ He is following in the footsteps of iconic risky blues – ‘I need a hotdog for my roll’ ‘Papa’s got a big ten inch (record)’

His guitar work, when it isn’t submerged, is stunning. His songs for Batman are great & I was sorry so few of them got used in the film. I heard a track off 3121 that had me looking for it. The Hits collection is a good started for anyone, if that person exists, who is not familiar with him. ‘Originals’ are his recordings of songs he wrote for others that became hits for them.

To round out the mp3 collections I added: Marvin Gaye: Trouble Man (soundtrack), M.P.G. Marvin is one of Prince’s prime influences, so worth hearing. I love the Trouble Man soundtrack. Prince influenced many including – Pitbull. Here are his The Boatlift, Planet Pit – rollicking sexy raps with Latino underpinnings & music you can dance to. 

I also added a wild variety of other musical genres: Kruder & Dorfmeister: G-Stoned EP 1995: excellent trip-hop soul out of Austria; Boil The Kettle Mother: (Psychedelic Patchwork Volume 1) a fun collection of 70s psychedelic pop; Aphex Twin: Collapse EP: the master of electronica; Mount Kimbie: What Love Survives 2017: emotive trippy electronica; Electric Psychedelic Sitar Heads: one of series of cheesy sitar infused pop; Sevdaliza: Ison 2017; deeply emotional slow soul electronic; For A Few Fuzz Guitars More: guess what! A great compilation of vintage garage rock; finally, as a complete departure – Philip Glass: Solo Piano – not at all monotone & emotionless, in fact nearly romantic & very enjoyable but not music to masturbate to. 

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LOL

LOL

I was told

more than once

that my laughing out loud 

ruined a movie

for someone

so I try to keep it down

to a snicker of derision

which to me

isn’t as satisfying

as that laugh out loud
so I stopped going to movies

saves money

allows me to enjoy them

in the privacy of my own home

<>

I’m one of those people

who laugh at camera angles

who laugh at clunky dialogue

ill-conceived costumes

bad wigs

crappy make up

historically incorrect language

<>

I don’t laugh at comedies

they aren’t funny enough

I see a punch line

before it gets delivered

I keep my knowledge of plot structure

to myself

because its clear

to me

that the long lost bother 

who turns up

is not the long lost brother

<>

sometimes I like to talk back 

to say things like

‘kill her now’

‘not in those shoes’

‘I saw that plot twist

coming down the street

on an elephant’

Decades ago, in the early 80’s, I think, a friendship ended because I found something in a movie absurd, laughed at it, & even when my friend shushed me I couldn’t stop myself. He & I had been seeing films, live theatre for a few years by then so when he opted to sit in another aisle I was puzzled. I never heard from him again. It was a’plot twist’ I saw coming though mainly because I knew things last as long as they do, not as long as we want them to.

The movie was part of subscription series of foreign films at Harbourfront & at the next showing he avoided my glance & I thought – such is life. Movie life with me hasn’t changed much, expect I see most things in the privacy of my own home. My partner is used to my laughs, my ‘wise’ cracks. I do try not to talk over the film so he doesn’t miss important points I saw coming down the street on an elephant. 

There is a structural predictability of movies that I find both amusing & tiresome. There are almost no Biblical epics without a romance threatened by adultery or the hunger for power. How many heroes, or villains, were traumatized in childhood, & when will we be subjected to the painfully predictable back story of those events.

Love movie soundtracks, so much so, I even have soundtracks for movies I’ve never seen, or want to see. Trucker Turner anyone? The Japanese film industry is great for curious soundtrack choices that are a mix of hard be-bop & rock-a-billy to give films a seemingly American edge. I am pained to see movies in which the filmmakers rely entirely on songs/music to convey emotions that aren’t in the performance of the dialogue.

I remember a moment in a movie, a movie whose name I have forgotten, as well as the cast, the plot or where I saw it – but a moment in which the character sit around a table & the camera angle changed to be at hand level in the middle of the table – I laughed out loud – then got my elephant for the ride home.

For my rant about costumes see: Let My People a-go-go https://topoet.ca/2022/04/14/let-my-people-a-go-go/.


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McBridal Shower

I love upright bass, so by bass player Christian McBride I have as stand-alone Gettin’ To It (1994) , Parker’s Mood (1995), Number Two Express(1995), (as mp3) fingerpainting: The Music of Herbie Handcock (1997), Sci-Fi (2000). I first heard Christian as a sideman with sax player Joshua Redman – he was a strong support player but when I found Gettin’ To It his first release as leader I was eager to hear him get to it.

Bouncy, contemplative, fresh with a great version of The Stars Fell On Alabama – on this Joshua Redman is a sideman, along with Roy Hargrove on trumpet. Excellent, accessible jazz. On Parker’s Mood he is part of trio with Roy Hargrove & Steven Scott. As the title indicates, this a tribute set of Charlie Parker tunes given not-overly-respectful reinterpretations.  On Express he is joined by old school masters Chick Corea & Jack DeJohnette for another great set. The fact that he attracted these jazz icons speaks to his chops & reputation.

The Hancock tribute is excellent even though there is no piano in the bass, trumpet, drums trio. Adventurous rethinkings of Hancock that actually explores rather than treats the material with such respect it might as well be on a museum shelf. 

Sci-Fi, is, as the title suggests, a bow to the jazz-rock  sounds of Miles Davis &, yes, Herbie Hancock. In fact Hancock joins in on keyboards & even David Gilmore of Pink Floyd makes an appearance. No one really thinks of Pink Floyd as jazz-rock but Atom Heart Mother ranks up there with Inner Mounting Flame. Another homage that explores rather than replicates that time era.

You cannot go wrong with with any jazz lp that includes Christian McBride as leader or as a sideman.

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Malfunction

Malfunction

it was a costume malfunction

not that I was wearing a costume

but the phrase

has become a catch-all

for any apparel slip-up

a top with

too much cleavage

for the airline

shorts that allow 

the balls to dangle

when sitting down

a mini that prevents

the wearer from bending over

without revealing

more than panties

<>

the source of the phrase

costume malfunction

resulted in a corporate shaming

of a black female entertainer

she was shunned

her records her videos banned

who often revealed even more

than that malfunction made public

took the opportunity

to retire from the public light

she was sick tired bored

of no longer being a person

but a product

whose packaging

had replaced the contents

<>

not that my malfunction

revealed anything in public

it was reserved for private

to invite my carefully chosen view

to put his ‘fun’

into my malfunction

When I was younger, slimmer, more adventurous I had a oversized, mechanic’s one piece work coverall , that buttoned up the front. I would hit my favorite gay bar dance floor wearing that with just a jockstrap underneath. I found wearing it made me feel incredibly sexy. It was fashion look that didn’t catch on though – gay guys were more into little satin shorts & tank tops. 

There some who sported black leather, buttless chaps. But even in these somewhat private spots that naked ass was as bare as men would get. I never saw anyone wandering around with dick out for all to see. Even in my few visits to the baths – towels on outside of one’s room, or the showers, or the actual steam room, was enforced. Men could be on their beds in those little rooms, door propped open enough for passers-by to get a good look at what was offered. 

The showbiz manipulation of body image has a long history for exploiting the assets of its female ‘stars’ but when it came to males it was slightly different. Shirtless was fine but some male stars were discourage from bathing suit shots unless they wore loose trunks. Costume designers were tasked with making sure pants, shorts would never betray what lay beneath. Male actors were tucking their tackle long before drag made it mandatory. 

Body shame runs rampant though North American culture with celebs being praised for looking astonishingly good at 62 in their bathing suits or getting lavished with praise for losing weight & finally looking astonishingly good in their bathing suits. Lists of what not wear over a certain age, in public, unless you looking astonishingly good in a bathing suit.

One of my disappointments in Tarzan, or Beach Party movies was the lack of male bulge. Today’s male superheroes have dynamic abs but Ken doll groins.We can’t frighten teen-age fan boys & girls with such offensive sights. Her superhero bodysuit reveals camel toe while his reveals how well he can tuck.

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