Pretty Pictures

On a recent Disability After Dark host Andrew Gurza has a conversation with Kayla Whaley about body image, disability & swallowing. Amongst the many things they talk about is how each has used their appearance as protection or as a way of hiding from opportunity – deciding that people will reject you because of your looks so you do it on their behalf by not giving them the chance.

Lookism runs rampant through our culture & regardless of how one tries to transcend it is inescapable. A friend of mine recently had a make-over to do some TV appearances and posted photos of it – wow! – people flooded the pics with super flattering comments about ‘prettiness’ ‘hotness’ that left me wondering – what did they think of my friend before? 

I don’t deny that I know the power of a good shirt thanks to What Not To Wear. I’ve never known how ‘flattered’ I should be when someone who has heard me perform meets me months  later & all they remember is my shirt. They don’t even remember my name. They don’t even wonder about my body image – would I want them to?

On the podcast Andrew & Kayla discuss the power of body image – how they strive to accept themselves with all their physicality in the face of what is considered cute, handsome or even presentable. They come from a history in which a disabled family member could be restricted to a single room in the house & would never appear in public. Things have changed but I know how the struggle for not only recognition but acceptance continues. There are some who say that they wish queers were back in the closet & out of public sight.

 

I like to imagine how they will feel when they see Andrew making out with some guy? Now, that’s a pretty picture.

Bed Songs

Light

I am the light that plays

across you at night

as you turn to drift into a deeper sleep

to dream of kisses so gentle

they won’t wake the dark

Intimacy

when I visit friends, strangers

I like to see where they sleep

an intimacy of knowledge

living rooms and kitchens only hint at

that bathrooms are mere prelude to

Fortune Teller

I read beds

like a fortune teller reads palms

mounds folds life lines

the placement of pillows

reveals more than revels to be

Pin

are the corners tight 

to pin dreams to sleepers

or untucked all the way round

to free the sleeper to dream

Snug

is the bed in the middle of the room

under a window 

or snug in a corner

as far from light as possible

Warm

is it still warm from you

 

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http://www.queerslam.com

April 03 – every Tuesday

June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked)
 capfireslam.org 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy ice cream in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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#DadBodHot 2

One of the issues Andrew Gurza frequently address in his Disability After Dark podcasts is how we view our bodies, particularly as being attractive, as well as being judged attractive. One of ‘draws’ to dark room sex, glory hole sex, is that one reduces bodies to very specific parts in which attractiveness is no longer an issue. A mouth is never too old with no face, a cock with no overweight body to distract is always perfect.

In Andrew’s case it is clearly having a body that doesn’t fit into, or even get represented, in most queer contexts. Part of his mission to change that & in doing so he’s had to face how he feels about his body. We grow up in a culture were actually liking one’s body is seen as egotistical, conceited. Everyone I know wants to lose another five pounds.

I don’t think I’ve ever not had free-weights of some sort in my various homes. There were times when I worked at working out – had weight benches that also made for great clothes drying racks. I wanted to look as good as I thought I was supposed to look for others to find me hot. It never happened.

I was in my late 20’s when I moved to Toronto, so by then I was already over the hill for 80% of gay men – plus I wasn’t dark or hairy – increasing that % to 85, then add my being clean sober by 30 & I was left with maybe 5% of gay men who might find me at all sexually viable – at the best of times.

Today I know that much of my discontent with my body comes from insidious cultural attitudes about fitness & health, about age & market demographics. One of my Tumblr feeds covers a range of races & body types but the ones that get the most comments are the fittest. Older men are ‘fine’ when they have tats, piercings, body hair and six-packs, & oh yes usually sizeable packages.

I do find all those attributes attractive but I’m also ‘turned on’ by guys with bodies like mine – ordinary, average packaged, Dad bodies. The one thing you don’t get much of in photographs is personality – one has go by face (if there is one), setting (naked at a bar hoisting a glass of wine – no thanks) & clarity of image. If all the pics are out of focus chances are so are they. But that’s a topic for another blog post – playing to your target demographic. #DadBodHot

Listening to Andrew I’ve been able to look closer at how I feel about body types, my body type. I’ve taken steps (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-1Xs) in how I package my package thanks to Daily Jocks  https://dailyjocks.com – I may be the only one who sees my undies but that’s fine – if I look hot to myself then my % is improved already. The more comfortable I have become with the shape I’m in the more men I’ve met who are turned on by the shape I’m in.

 

Too Not Much

it would have been too much work

too much responsibility

there so many other things

I would rather do

it was enough to have the chance

I didn’t set out

with that in mind

so the fact that it didn’t happen

doesn’t bother me a bit

I had nothing to prove

my family is proud of me

they were thrilled I had the opportunity

they were not let down

when I didn’t get the win

they knew it would mean

I’d have less time for them

helping and growing with them

is more important

I am already blessed enough

my life is so full now

I couldn’t have taken on

more responsibility  more acclaim

I have too much going on

I have to find a way of doing less

not taking on more

no matter how profitable

or how much it might

enhance my reputation

I don’t need any more exposure

money is too much work to maintain

I’m happy to keep my life simple

there are those who thrive

on that sort of accomplishment

I’m not one of them

having this opportunity

confirmed that for me

I have too much of what I value

to care about winning

Chapbooks available: http://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

meandchap
14257567_1162384753819933_3271661288579707843_oon going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

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Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

#DadBodHot

On a recent Disability After Dark, Andrew Gurza talks with @Keah_Maria who originated the # #DisabledAndCute & how that # has impacted her online presence. Never having experienced a ‘spike’ of interest for any # of mine I was interested to hear how she has made it work. Andrew also strives to find a catchy # & I wonder how many is too many? Who wants posts that are all # just to get attention?

For both of them the more personally they are invested in the politic of the # the more they feel it will be effective. I do know when I write about east coast & #CapeBreton I do get a few retweets but never have I seen a major jump in interest or followers as a result. Perhaps I need to create a more detailed # that might do more work for me.

There are hundreds of #queerpoets out there, ditto for anything that includes gay, lgbtq, black etc. To work the # has to stand out enough to create a market for itself rather than try to tap into one that is already there.

Andrew and Keah are creating awareness for their disability & claiming a space for that awareness. So I had to think of something that reflected a greater social statement but that also dealt with the physical reality of my gay life. Agism & lookism are two issues that underpin much of gay culture. Older is hot only if the body is well-toned or the cock is large. Otherwise please hide your tired saggy old body where it doesn’t scare the twinks.

Not that I don’t like those idealized bodies but I prefer the ordinary, average joe type. There are sites devoted to bears – large hairy chubby guys – but even there age is a factor. I’m not that chunky, not that hairy either – such is life. In an on-line chat with an average joe he said that one of things he found most attractive about me was my great Dad bod.

Great Dad bod! Me! I guess that’s true. The more I thought about it the more I loved that term – Dad bod. So thanks to that guy, Andrew & Keah I’ve coined my own # – #DadBodHot.

It’s About Time

call back later

not now

soon

another day

eventually

not this morning

just a second

don’t wait up for me

it’ll be worth the wait

antic-i-pation

don’t be late

night time is the right time

off-the-clock

the waiting game

when the stars align

premature

past due

on the dot

a watched pot

it’s over when it’s over

hold your horses

whats your hurry

it’s about time

it’s now or never

Chapbooks available: http://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

meandchap
14257567_1162384753819933_3271661288579707843_oon going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

June 2019 attending: Capturing Fire

https://capfireslam.org

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

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The Naked Podcaster

Andrew Gurza in his Deliciously Disabled podcast is frequently emotionally naked – his recent show about crippled cleanliness issues was raw, heartfelt without being a play for sympathy. So when he sat down with Rahim Thawer to do a podcast in the nude about body image I wished to be more than a fly on that wall.

15ochair01Rahim brought the abled p.o.c body into this discussion about how self & cultural notions of looks play into their gay lives. As Rahim remarked at one point the Deliciously Disabled podcasts make him look how this issues resonance in his own life, the same is true for me.

I’ve never had a gym body, nor do I expect to have the energy to put into making that happen. Average is fine – literally everyone I know I’d like to lose five pounds & have a flatter stomach. But those wants are more dictated by what is supposedly healthy & eye appealing.15ochair02How do feel about my body? Comfortable is the word I’d use. Men I’m with have no complaints, but perhaps I’ve been fetishized (Man In The Moon)? Rahim talks about how his being brown attracts men with specific expectations based on his colour, on his heritage. When he doesn’t fulfill those illusions they are disappointed with him rather than questioning their preconceived notions. 15ochair03Odd how in queer culture it is that not to be in lust with that idealized slender pretty man means you are into some kinky shit – you’re a chubby chaser, a crip cruiser, a rice queen, a grampa fucker, a hairy baller – that you don’t have an normal healthy queer appetite. All based on a body image, or is that biased by body media fiction. Of course nearly every body bias can be ignored if the cock is big bigger biggest.15ochair04My own body preferences have always been fairly wide. I certainly enjoy, am attracted to, those ideal swimmer, gymnastic physiques but also relish most other male body types, as long as it is freshly showered or going to jump in the shower with me 🙂 Oops sorry – ableist – as Andrew isn’t going to jump into a shower that readily but I’d certainly be willing wrangle with him in sudsy soapy comfort – time for an in-the-shower podcast?

samp02

Political Promises (not lies)

a lot was said

to sway the people

to get them out to the polls

of course

it will turn out

you were misunderstood

that what you promised

wasn’t exactly what you could do

that due to conditions

beyond your control

you were stuck with things as they are

not as you promised to change them

you weren’t lying

just to get elected

you were simply uninformed

unaware

that the obstacles to be overcome

couldn’t be overcome

with words

with language

with the slippery tongue of future

you used to unlock the door of success

you wish you could do

what you planned

really you mean to do it

honestly

it’s not your fault

you can’t move the mountains

you promised to move

we really didn’t expect you

to fix what was broken by others

you certainly didn’t break anything

it was so broken

when you got there

you had no choice

but to make the best of a bad situation

and if we don’t like it

we better shut the fuck up

or

you’ll silence us

the same way

others who have been elected

have silenced us

the victory you promised we’d have

isn’t relevant now

that you have power invested in you

you’ll do that you think best

which will be better

than what you promised

we just have to give you a break

give you chance

and stop nagging you

with evidence of your lies

we mean

of your promises

they are taken out of context anyway

so we better give you one more chance

to do what you promised

or it’ll be our fault

for lacking patience and foresight

and forgiveness

why are we so bitter

so cruel

you meant well

and that’s enough

soon02

cover170x170-1on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTune

August 12 – Friday:13466002_1105599606165115_2825996326656054174_n

http://buddiesinbadtimes.com/event/deliciously-disabled-justify-my-love/

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

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https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

6DC0301

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrchair

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