Something’s Different

March of this year in March I decided to up-grade my glasses – new frames, new prescription. Not a big deal, or so I thought, until I got a few compliments from strangers. By now they are old, to me, yet this past week someone, whom I have known long enough & also whom I have seen several times since the up-grade said ‘something’s different. are those new glasses?’ I replied, ‘they’re the same ones I had on the last time we talked.’

That’s the kind of change I like – one that is subtle. The drama of the big change – I’ll shave my head – no longer appeals to me. When I first shaved my head it was a startling change alright, nothing gradual about it. People started to treat me differently – I had become butch overnight 🙂

I prefer the gradual change. I’ve blogged about some of this before – getting up earlier by setting my alarm 2 minutes earlier every couple of months so I now have an extra 14 minutes to avoid writing every day. Besides if nothing changes nothing changes. So the past few months I’ve been reducing distractions. Most are harmless except that they are distractions.

Some have been hard to do though. Cutting way back on the podcasts I listen to for one. As much as I enjoy them I decided I don’t need the information & subscribing merely to be supportive isn’t enough for me. Why support people who don’t really support me? One podcast was as much about what the hosts were drinking as what they were supposedly talking about. No thanks. Plus less energy goes into downloading & then uploading to my iPod to listen o them. 

On the east coast I only used my iPod for meditation & relaxation in flight or in my hotel room. You know I didn’t miss it on my daily walks. I get to hear where I am without a soundtrack. One less thing to carry too 🙂

Same with twitter, tumblr, even wordpress. Less time spent skipping over things I’m not even looking at anyway. All those product mailing lists I needed up, some of whom send me daily notices of warehouse clearance sales, unsubscribed from so they aren’t cutting up even my trash folder. The less clutter the better the focus.

Focus and productivity are my fall intents. The less clutter the better the focus. 

Not Dead Already

I expected to be dead by 30

which seems to be one of those ages

that many never thought they’d live past

if not dead 

then so deep into fame fortune relationships

that they’d have everything to live for

though I’ve meet people

who had those things at 30

who wished they were we dead

or felt they were dead

they’d lost a part of themselves

to get the dreams fulfilled

dreams they expected 

would make them complete

 

I expected to be dead at 30 

35 at the latest

so when I eased 

past those tiresome ages

I was caught short 

time to grow up

figure out what I wanted to be 

now that I was alive

body fully matured

I’d say now that I was adult

but that really hadn’t happened

I was still a teen trapped 

in a old man’s body

yeah I know 35 isn’t old man

but try to tell that to a 20 year old

40 is ancient

I’m at the age where I’m a relic

adult enough to know 

I can’t turn back the hands of time

& glad those hands have been kind 

to my face

if not to my bank account

 

I never expected to see the year 2001 

let alone this year

figured if I hadn’t bought the farm by then

the world would have imploded exploded 

of its own accord

but like me it is doing

this slow smother

drowned in plastic 

& the need for more

even if I wear all natural fibres 

I’m not helping

to keep the planet breathing

 

so here I am

some sort of adult

looking around

still no surer of where life is going 

than I was when I was 16

then I was sure in knew where I was going

to my funeral at 30

a date fate saw to it that I never kept

I witness what is going on around me

some good some bad

some hopelessly futile

some valiantly optimistic

each time I put another word on paper

I am making waves for the future

ripples that will continue

even if there is not such thing s paper

even if no one can afford to live

there will be repercussion

for living past 30

the consequence of not dying 

young and pretty 

is getting old and sort of handsome 

in the right light

 

being an example

for the struggling striving generations

who just wish we relics 

would shut the fuck up

and die already

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

every Tuesday 2019

September

17 – Shaw Festival – Sex (Mae West)

22 – Stratford Festival – Little Shop Of Horrors

Tuesday 24 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

October

15 – Stratford Festival – The Crucible

November

7 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

December

The Secret Handshake Gallery – feature – date TBA

January

23 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

March

March 5 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

April

April 3 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Season 6 finales Buddies andBbad Times Theatre

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Something’s Different

Something’s Different

‘If nothing changes, nothing changes.’ vs. ‘If it’s not broken, why fix it.’ The dichotomy of wanting change but then being comfortable with things as they are. For many the notion of gradual change lacks drama so it is easier to stay wanting change but not make any real steps towards that change. Hence the rush to gyms then the sudden loss of interest.

I’m a believer in gradual change, subtle & frequently unseen by anyone. Eating smaller portions is more successful than cutting things out completely. I wanted to get up a little earlier to give myself more writing time in the morning but rather than setting my alarm 15 minutes earlier at one time I set it a minute or two earlier over several months & now have that extra time.

This past year I’ve made some small changes that will build to something – who know what? That’s one of the changes – the need not to know the end but trust in it. Purpose vs goals. The change from a goal driven life to a purpose driven life is liberating. Not that I don’t have goals but they don’t keep me from enjoying now.

A couple of small changes I’ve made over the past year or so are things like doing away with sweeteners in coffee or tea. One less chemical in my blood stream. You know, tea is fine black – no milk was a change I made few years ago after reading that milk may interfere with the body’s ability to absorb tea’s polyphenol antioxidants & flavonols. Not having to stir sweetener when I buy a coffee saves me minutes when I pick one up 🙂 I no longer have to make sure I have a packet or two with me when I’m out.

 

I’m also enjoying silence more by leaving my iPod at home somedays – I only use it when I have podcasts to listen to. One less object to cart around. To that end I leave also my cellphone at home a few nights a week as well. Who wants to be checking for texts all the time. How does that cellphone fit into my sense of purpose? Text me if you know the answer. 

No

what part of no

don’t you understand

no – I’m not interested

no – I don’t want to

how much clearer can I make it

I don’t wish to continue this conversation

 

no – I am not going to explain

just to make it easier for you to accept

if you don’t understand no

my reasons aren’t

going to make things any clearer for you

 

to explain will let you think

that the no might become a maybe

that under the right circumstance 

I would say yes

 

I’m not gong to justify my decision to you

if you find that unacceptable disappointing

is your problem

not mine

your life will continue well despite my no

think of the new avenues of opportunity

you can now open 

thanks to my no

 

you heard me right

I’m not going to repeat myself

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

January 10, Thursday: 8 p.m. Hot Damn! Its’ a Queer Slam – Buddies in Bad Times Theatre: feature Regie Cabico

http://www.queerslam.com

returning every Tuesday 2019


June  – Capturing Fire 2019 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

August 2-13: getting back to my roots in Cape Breton 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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