You First

You First

I was hiding

my feelings from him

not hiding exactly

but not declaring them

not putting them into words

what was communicated in my touch

was that enough

did he

could he

read between the kisses

between my legs

was there enough

emotionally import

in my smile

my eagerness

to convey 

what I was afraid 

to put into words

as I waited

for him to put into words

what I felt in his touch

Have you ever heard this in movies – ‘You never say you love me.’ or ‘Say it like you mean it?’ Have you thought who needs this needy person? There is a theory of power dynamics in a relationships that the power is with the person who loves the least. The difference could be .001% but it is there. 

Early in ‘romantic’ relationships there are these points where both parties are tentative about expressing their emotions. ‘I like you’ is so much less vulnerable than ‘I love you.’ I’ve known people who back out of relationships if the other party jumps the affection gun. Going for ‘love’ comes across as a red flag not an invitation to deepen things.

We get consistent mixed message about what ‘true’ love is vs. codependency. There is also this, to me, illogical linking of sexual fidelity with love. If you love  strawberry ice cream, to even look at another flavour is a betrayal of trust. But that’s a subject for another post.

This state of tentative love is called, I think, limerence, were so much hinge son the feel of falling, the feel of being fallen for – a feel where there is constant edge of ‘when will be together again’ permeates dreams, where texting a smile can change a mood. But if you text that smile & wait for it to be trend then get pissed if it isn’t returned fast enough – that isn’t love it’s control.

I don’t hide my affections but I also don’t go over board with them either. I do text a smile (or other body parts) then get on with my day. The pleasure is as much in the opportunity to send affection as it is to get it. 


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The Fragility of Fidelity

whitedesk

your cheatin’ desk

I wasn’t sure what to call this Fidelity post because words such as Fraud, Farce or Facade all seems quite as appropriate. The recent hoo-ha over that adultery site had amused and puzzled me. Once again the sanctity of heterosexual property control has been sullied. I’d say marriage but marriage was originally created as a method of property control – love had nothing to do with it (& often still doesn’t.)

blackseat

the kid’s not mine

As the wave of shock over the Ashley Madison breach ripples out there have been suicides. That is seriously fucked up – killing yourself over some sex play – or rather, over being caught. Then again this comes from a culture were suicide is an acceptable alternative to being a queer.

green

the broken home

There is a long history of gay men & women being blackmailed & now, guess what, those furtive Madison fun seekers are now facing the same thing. Hardly surprising in this unbalanced culture where property is more precious than human life; where a moment of possible disrespect of the police justifies death; where being caught two-faced is a matter of spin – ‘I hate homos but secret infidelity is fine & now I’m seeking treatment.’

Clearly many of us are enjoying the the hypocrisy this reveals more than the actual infidelity – faces in the news who have a history of righteous posturing revealed to be ‘vile, corrupted sinners’ & not saintly true loving all-Americans.

yellow

cowardly sweater

The only thing more fragile that fidelity is the heterosexual male ego – a man kills sex worker as the result of trans panic!? The only way to impress the world that he wasn’t sexually abnormal was to kill this threat to his image. Sex worker is clearly at fault (I’m being facetious).

samp03

here’s an old piece, one posted here before, coincidentally on the first Friday in September 2014:

Fidelity

he’s your boyfriend?

he never mentioned anyone else

yes I see how this is upsetting you

it’s not as if I picked him up

oh is that what he said

 

what was I thinking?

I was thinking it would be a good time

nsa as they say no strings attached

I assumed he had no strings on him

plus it wasn’t strings that were pulled

sorry didn’t mean to take you so lightly

 

why you are surprised and hurt

after all men are horn dogs

or is it the fact that he was sleeping

with a guy

that’s got you so upset

 

look I told you

I didn’t know that he was engaged

that you have two kids already

I didn’t set out to steal your man

he was just some sort of cute guy

I ran into at Timothy’s

simple as that

I was looking at Xtra

and he sat down to look at it too

one thing lead to another and another

 

we didn’t get into history just into bed

and if you want to know the truth

if he was getting what needed from you

maybe he wouldn’t have bothered with me

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

http://nanowrimo.org/

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red

you’ll leave me in a body bag

#Sex On Demand

Sex on demand is not what a relationship is all about – regardless of the genders involved. Yet all too often that, next to money, seems to be the basis of most relationship stress. I’m pretty sure money wouldn’t matter if there was a more relaxed attitude about sex.

shoetongue

gimme more tongue action

I am, around sexual issues, a fairly amoral guy though. I find the idea of sexual fidelity as being the sole proof of one’s love to be counterproductive. He can smack me around but the sex is great. She can run me into debt but the sex is great. Not that’s not it – it’s more like: He can smack me around but sometimes the sex is okay.

petals

petal paved road

I sometimes suspect that sexual infidelity is an excuse to get out of a relationship one is tired of – then get rewarded for it (i.e. Tiger Woods ex-wife). Now this slips into the history of marriage & that legal attempt to control nature sexual yearnings.

copier

does not copy

One can legislate behaviour, some what, but you can’t pass laws that change how people think. Spousal abuse is criminal, but do you think that law stops people who do it or even makes them think differently. Sure we have gay marriage, but that’s no solution to homophobic thinking.

November 1-30 – participating – NaNoWriMo 2017nano
 http://nanowrimo.org

Fidelity

he’s your boyfriend?

he never mentioned anyone else

yes I see how this is upsetting you

it’s not as if I picked him up

oh is that what he said

 

what was I thinking?

I was thinking it would be a good time

nsa as they say no strings attached

I assumed he had no strings on him

plus it wasn’t strings that were pulled

 

sorry didn’t mean to take you so lightly

why you are surprised and hurt

after all men are horn dogs

or is it the fact that he was sleeping

with a guy

that’s got you so upset

 

look I told you

I didn’t know that he was engaged

that you have two kids already

I didn’t set out to steal your man

he was just some sort of cute guy

I ran into at Timothy’s

simple as that

I was looking at Xtra

and he sat down to look at it too

 

one thing lead to another and another

we didn’t get into history just into bed

and if you want to know the truth

if he was getting what needed from you

maybe he wouldn’t have bothered with me

 bedsimple as that