Genius

Genius 

if you won’t trust

someone who won’t drink

with you

then you’ll never trust me

<>

if all your close friends

smoke up with you

we’ll never be close friends

<>

if you only respect 

someone who’ll do a line with you

shoot up with you

share a bowl with you

then I have no role in your life 

we’ll never bond

over self-destruction

<>

if only self-destructive writers

are real writers

then I’ll always be a fake

a wanna be

who really doesn’t warrant

your attention

<>

I’m just one of those shallow dilettantes

a hanger-on

without the guts

the stamina

the creative genius

to deal with life through

a haze of booze 

drugs

<>

you are clearly better off with me

I’ve heard variations of this more than once: ‘I’ll never trust someone who won’t drink’ or sometimes to the effect ‘someone who won’t take a drink with me.’ You can replace ‘drink’ with ‘toke’ ‘line’ or any other substance. There are men & women who will only party-and-play – if there’s no drug involved they aren’t interested.

The history of destructive addiction & creativity is deep. Considering Dostoyevsky’s alcoholism, gambling habits & writing by hand I’m amazed he got so much written 🙂 For many writer’s i.e Hemingway, Dylan Thomas their drinking is seen as an unfortunate flaw that somehow enhances their reputation. They didn’t have rehabs in those days.

I’ve been involved with workshops, readings etc where there has been a very clear division that occurs when I decline a drink of excellent triple malt scotch. It seems I say ‘no thanks’ without sufficient apology. Ditto for declining to slip out for a toke or do a line. 

Then again that division may come from the fact that I’m not super-social in most situations to being with – by super-social I mean I don’t share stories about my medical condition, children, recent escapades – I’m just there to write, maybe read on the one mike. Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. This piece is more an observation than a complaint though. I am more amused by this equating of a drink with trust. Though I’d rather be judged by my work than the quality of the scotch I decline. 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Things Change

I was going to call this post ‘the power of no’ but this is more about how ‘no’ changes things in unexpected ways. This will be a ‘too much information’ post as well so if you don’t want to read about the vagaries of gay male dating just look at the photos & skip to the poem at the end 🙂 Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

A few years ago I started seeing this married (to a woman) gay guy. He wanted a friendship outside the bedroom so we went out to dinners, went shopping for clothes together – that sort of thing. We talked about how to promote his business, family issues with children from his 1st marriage. I enjoyed being with him.

It was never an exclusive thing, nor did I expect it to be. Men sleep around, such is life. The sex was fun. We’d get together once a month or so. One of the guys he was seeing turned him on to poppers & grass – which he enjoyed – neither of which are a part of my life. We had a conversation around this. I didn’t mind him using poppers when we were together but drew the line there. Things don’t get smoked, vaped in my house. He was free to smoke up before he got here but I guess smoking up together is a form of foreplay. I even suggested he could try edibles. 

We enjoyed each other that night but … we haven’t had direct communication since then. Part of our deal was that he’d be in touch so I wasn’t to text etc lest it cause ripples in his domestic/business life. I’ve said hi when we both on the site where I first met him. No reply. His profile has been ‘updated’ with a line about preferring guys who enjoy the use of poppers & 420.

Such is life 🙂 This isn’t the first time, nor will be the last, where my decision to remain recreational drug free has changed my social life. Knowing the damage most of them do to the immune system is reason enough. In recovery I’ve heard many too stories of the progressive nature of recreational drug use – the need for stronger grass sort of thing – oh, why not try a line of coke. I doubt if my former playmate is an addict but I’m glad I’m not going be around to find out. Plus he has had an example of me for a few years not needing any enhancements to enjoy sex. This is how things end – not with a bang but a puff of smoke 🙂

The Drone of Silence

without hustle and bustle

there would be a vacuum

peace and quiet 

are as respites exceptions

until quiet turns into tedium

the need for distraction barges in

rescuing us from peace and quiet

things we want but only for so long

if we aren’t active then we are wasters

lazy-ass sitters-around up to no good

when we aren’t adding 

to the endless stutter of stuff 

by looking for that quiet spot 

or looking for the right noise suppressing earbuds

so you can be in the flow

but not have to hear the flow

drown out the mall music

the coughing slur of words

escape and hide 

while being in the middle of things

you can’t wait to get out of

get back to peace and quiet

where after five seconds

you are flipping through playlists 

for bird sounds

to really sooth you

while in the park

anything 

to drown out the drone of silence

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January

Thursday 23 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

March
March 5 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Buddies and Bad Times Theatre

April
April 3 – Hot Damn! It’s Queer Slam – Season 6 finales Buddies andBbad Times Theatre

May

Richard III – Stratford Festival

June  – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C.  capfireslam.org 

July

All’s Well That Ends Well – Stratford Festival

Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet