The Thrill is Gone

The Thrill is Gone

he was bored

& looking for sex

as if sex was a solution

so far

nothing had lived up

to his expectations

his profile listed

his interests

it was like the index

to a gay sex manual

<>

at nineteen

he wanted to try them all

while he was still young enough

to enjoy them all

before he was bored

by them all

<>

what I hadn’t tried

of his endless index

had never appealed to me 

at any age

many I had tried a few times

had no interest in exploring them again

even though

he wanted an older guide

who was opened-minded

<>

we chatted a awhile

because he liked my dick pic

when it became clear

I had boundaries

my disinterest in

repeating what bored me

made him bitter

judgemental

the less defensive I became

the more defensive he became

but at least

he was no longer bored

crushing boredom

This is based on real life events & in some ways is why I bother with any online gay cruising sites – I find things like this amusing & sometime a little puzzling. These sites are also a way of passing the time when I have ten minutes with little to do. Like this guy here I was bored, but not really looking for sex just a reminder that sex was possible 🙂

I saw his shopping list of sexual delights & thought, well there’s a few things I enjoy here but the rest isn’t on my menu plan. I wasn’t even curious enough to look at his pics but he contacted me via the site’s chat line. More info was exchanged & the more that was exchanged the less interested I was. I even asked him if he had actually read my profile – if he had he would have known what he was asking about me.

One of the ‘code’ words I watch for in profiles is ‘open-minded’ – which boils down to kink: diapers, chastity cages, that sort of thing. If one isn’t interested you become close-minded. Similar to saying ‘no’ to a drink, to say ‘no’ to kink can make some guys defensive – as if that ‘no’ is a judgment on their choices. 

Over the years I’ve learned that many men on line are looking for attention not contact. His laundry list was extensive enough that there was something for everyone there. It struck me as indecisive, which seemed natural at his age, too. My other caveat pops up here, the one that says: men lie on line. There is no way for me to verify his age, his profile pics, or his shopping list. The twenty or so minutes we chatted was enough role playing for me.

clutching at straws

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Out With The Bathwater

Out With The Bathwater

he wanted to drink

my bathwater

or so he said

I never did take him up on it

if he had said that

after a few dates

I might have found it

appealing  

almost flattering

but to start with that

was a bit much

it was the sort of

coming on too strong

I called ‘a red flag’

similar to sending a phone number

in the first message

or as the first message

not even a call me

or I liked your profile

I’m not going to call that number

<>

he wanted to drink

my bathwater

when I asked him why

he said that it was pretty obvious

the water

was something that had touched

every inch of my body

the way he wished he could

I was amused

intrigued

all his pics were blurry

or close ups of his nipples

no face pic

<>

I asked for a face photo

never heard back from him

The on-line hook-up world is full of every fetish you can imagine. Obviously I know more about the ‘gay’ male faction but am sure this array of kink is found to the same degree in the hetero scene. Most sites are full of vanilla guys with a dash of leather, s&m, b&d & there some sites are devoted to specific types of play or types of men: bears, older, black – so you can narrow focus.

Profile info usually includes what sort of play the person is interested in & I, unlike many, read that section of a profile (after I check out their hight 🙂 ) Even profile nicknames tell me enough: PoppersRus – is not for me. If approached I make it clear that, based on their interests, we aren’t a good match. Some guys get a bit huffy mind you as if my not being interested in x is judging them. Whatever. If you want to, say, dress as a baby including a diaper, that’s fine by me but I’m not interested – my lack of interest is not a sign of disapproval.

This piece is based on a couple of actual non-encounters. I am perhaps more cautious than some, mind you, but some first contacts don’t even get responded too. Bathwater Jim did a reply though because his (I assume it was a man) approach was novel enough to warrant that much. The reply turned into one of those corny dating book pick-up lines. ‘if I told you you had beautiful body would you hold it against me?’

The anonymity of the internet allows people to approach strangers in ways they probably wouldn’t in person. It’s easy to brave when both parties are faceless, voiceless. I enjoy profile pics but know that with the right angle, lighting & photoshop anyone can be larger than life. 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

Salacious

A cishetero friend in recovery asked me how gay men could place themselves in such ‘risky’ situations. I knew he was spurred by the salacious media coverage of the murders. The media hasn’t refrained from revealing specific ‘play’ experiences some men have had with the accused. 

Several things came to mind for me. Much like the women Jian Ghomeshi abused – many people have a different notion of what rough sex means & jump into situations without parameters. To one ‘rough’ means ‘I’ll fuck you hard & bruise your nipples’ to the other it means ‘I’ll slap you around & choke you till you nearly pass out.’

This is why communication is crucial yet too often we are unwilling to be clear. Saying yes to one thing isn’t saying yes to another. Yes you can hold my wrists down with your hands, isn’t permission to then snap on handcuffs.

 

Men don’t set out to place themselves in risky situations but get caught in them and out of ‘politeness’ let things go too far. It can be easy to get caught in the escalating patterns of I let him do that I might as well let him do this as well. The partner can often say the same things – well you let me do that why not let me do this too – well because I don’t want you to.

 

These men weren’t told ‘it’ll be so hot to let me kill you’. These are the known victims  Selim Esen, 44, Andrew Kinsman, 49, Majeed Kayhan, 58, Soroush Mahmudi, 50,  Dean Lisowick, 47 – plus one unindentified. I’ll repeat their names. His will probably never be forgotten so there’s no need for me to mention it.

Apparition

I was taking a leek in some bar washroom

there was this message on the wall

‘for better bj than jesus call ….’

the cynic in me was mildly amused

 

as I sanitized my hands

the theological implications

started to reveal themselves to me

I knew Christ did miracles

but that wasn’t one that I recalled

though I have had some amazing bj’s

that resurrected my will to live

but that JC might’ve be into that

had never crossed my mind

it did put that whole last supper

take and eat etc

into a completely different light

 

I saw how sacrilegious the graffiti was

the deep disrespect it showed the sacred

would these thoughts result

in my condemnation to eternal damnation

was I as bad the person who wrote this

or am I a jaded indifferent observer

with no real faith or direction

someone to whom a blow job

is more significant than salvation

should I have written down the number

or does it matter

what apparition appears in front of anyone

as long as it makes them think of faith

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

kiss3

https://www.facebook.com/events/1895647050666334/

March 8, Thursday – Hot Damn! It’s A Queer Slam Workshop: 4 pm at Glad Day with D’Scribe.

March 8, Thursday – Hot Damn! It’s A Queer Slam Slam: 8 pm Buddies In Bad Times Theatre Feature D’Scribe

HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam

http://www.queerslam.com

April 03 – every Tuesday

June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked) capfireslam.org 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy ice cream in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

 

Kink

On a recent Disability After Dark, Andrew Gurza and Dick Wounded talk about kink in it’s many facets. Each of them has found kink experiences that have helped expand & express who they are sexuality & emotionally. You’ll have to download Episode 068.1 on the podcast for details of their kink lives. Some fun, some rather, shall we say, dark, so be warned it is an explicit episode but well worth hearing.

By kink they are mainly talking about bondage and control, or surrendering control to another in intimate situations where trust is crucial. I say intimate because kink isn’t always about the sex itself but the situation or apparatus. Show some men a roll of saran wrap and they get aroused. Show some women seamed nylons and they get moist.

My kink experiences have been ‘interesting’ but often proved to be more work than I was willing to do just to be with someone. Did he like me for me only for the way I wrapped him in saran wrap. The guy who told me he always gets off when someone chokes him was fun until he told me that. For me there isn’t enough personality in saran wrap or a choke hold.

I certainly appreciate the emotional & philosophical context of b&d, s&m – I did my explorations in them on both sides and thought – I’d rather make out. My notion of kink is ‘let’s take a shower.’ 🙂 Knowing people in those communities I’ve also found there is a hunger for more – adding more weight to the scrotum stretcher; just one more piercing, branding.

Then there is the ‘locker room’ talk about what one has tolerated, or done & it becomes even more clear that the acts are always more interesting to the participants than who their partners were. Also in the locker room is the fashion show – the latest toy, the nicest harness, the tightest corset, the biggest whatever. Been there, done that, liked some, bored with some & returned to my version of vanilla 🙂 If you want to be swaddled in saran wrap and have your feet tickled I might be interested as long you wash those feet first.

Slap Unhappy

my masochist lover wants to leave

I’m not causing him enough pain

he’s tried of merely being ashamed

of being seen with me in public

he needs more domestic humiliation

I reminded him

it wasn’t my fault he needed an audience

in order to feel the depths of abasement

that got him off

 

 

besides I have rotor cuff tears from

spanking him every time

the dishes weren’t cleared away fast enough

testicular torture

aggravates my Carpel tunnel syndrome

tennis elbow from fisting

doesn’t get me off at all

the constant stream of abuse

I had to supply him with was so draining

I had no spite left

for people who really deserved it

like that asshole barista

who couldn’t make a latte

with no foam

I told him twice no foam

and when it came with foam

a sense of futility

flooded me with each sip

of that fucking latte

I had no choice but to go home

and take it out on my masochistic lover

but that wasn’t enough for him

 

 

and now my masochistic lover wants

to leave

because I don’t make him suffer enough

he feels I don’t care when I hurt him

that I’m not really into the brick-weighted nipple clamps

into the cigar scarification

that I do those things with too much detachment

I ask him why my not caring

doesn’t add to his sense of being abused

isn’t it worse when the abuser

does it out of boredom

and not out of passion

once he packed up his latex

I slapped him goodbye

then shut the door

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

kiss3

https://www.facebook.com/events/1895647050666334/

HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam

http://www.queerslam.com

June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked) capfireslam.org 

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy ice cream in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet