Sis amplexibus Amor alios mututa memini et amoris in mutationes memini.
May you be embraced by a love beyond recall that alters others
and a love within recall that alters you.
“First grade bullies ata new school pushed me ‘round. I went nuts. Beat the crap out o’one of ‘em. Broke his nose ‘fore they broke us up. I was small. When I got goin’ nothin’d stop me. I got angry easy. M’ma figured I should get a way to … direct that anger.”
“Won’um high-school.” Alex took the trophy. “Meant to get rid of ‘em but never could.”
“I wasn’t into sports.” Harris patted his belly. “This is enough weight for me to lift.”
Harris looked at the framed photos of Alex along the wall by the door.
“From when I was on the pro circuit.”
One of them showed Alex shaking hands with a man in a business suit who presented him an ornate belt.
“Won m’ division that year. Called it quits soon after though.” Alex sipped his beer.
“Looks like a lot of work.”
“I enjoyed it. It was a way to channel m’energy. A polite way of sayin’ I had anger management issues. Never saw a fight I could resist even if I didn’t start it. Linda said I had somethin’ to prove. I never reckon what.”
“That you were the toughest?”
“Maybe somethin’ like that.”
“So why did you stop?”
“Funny t’ing was, the more I fought, the angrier I got, ya know. Got me more pumped up. I got bored of trash talk before and after the bouts. Huffin’ an’ puffin’. Too much worry about what to say, when I wanted to be poundin’.”
“What was your fight name?”
“Fuck.” Alex laughed. “ ‘Ats professional wrestling. No masks or capes for us. This was nothin’ like that. Bareknuckles an’ brute strent. I fought as m’self. Sometimes I’d be called the Axeman. That’s A X E not Ass. Alex ‘the Axeman’ S. People liked them ‘x’s.” Alex became more animated as he spoke.
“Sounds like you miss it.”
“Yeah. It felt good t’ sweat. T’ bleed and win. Th’ other crap took too much space in m’ head. Always havin’ t’ be huffin’ and puffin’ t’ get people t’ notice ya. Bad as pro wrestling. Then …” he finished his beer. “Another?”
“No. I’m still working on this one. Then what?”
“We sometime did this run t’Detroit. Had to be careful. It was under cover exhibition matches. Not sanctioned. Plus we couldn’t fight and get paid in the states. I never understood that part of it but this time a guy got hurt. Bad. By me. I just lost it. Hurt him real bad.” Alex stopped. “Something came over me while we were going at it. Testoserone or I don’t know what.”
“By bad you mean … ”
“He died. Doc said something his brain popped. That it coulda anytime but picked while I was poundin’ him in the face. That was when I tore m’ back. I used that … ya know to get out of d’ game. Back shit they understood. Killing a guy was suppose t be good for a rep. That wasn’t the rep I wanted.”
Harris wasn’t sure what to say. Knowing more about Alex didn’t ease the longing the curse had forced upon him instead he was more emotionally drawn to him.
“It shook me up. I could’t get back in the ring. Tried a few times but it made me sick. I did this’n’that. Bartending. Ya know the stuff ya do when ya got no skills. Bartending. Waiting table.”
“My life hasn’t been that exciting. I was one of those nerdy guys. Dirty thoughts and little action. My biggest thrill was to get to the comic book store. This curse thing has pushed me out of my comfort zone a lot too. I didn’t know I was in such a …. a rut. Made a few changes. Finally cut my hair.”
“I remember guys like you when I was in school. Sorry to say, loved shoving you around. To prove how tough I was, so no one else would shove me around.”
“How ironic … no … paradoxical that we’d end up pushed together like this. The bully and the bullied.” Harris wanted to make Alex not feel bad about his past. “We all get caught up in …. doing things without knowing what we were doing at the time. Like how this curse has put us together. Neither of us planned it, plotted it or thought about it while it was happening.”
“We gotta to live with it.” Alex put his hand on Harris’s inner thigh.
“I have to get going.” Harris finished his beer. “I have a date. Glad I could help with your spooge residue.” That was true, if he met up with Becky, it sounded like a total lie once he said it.
They both stood at the same time.
“You’re as scared as I am aren’t you.” Alex faced him. “I don’t know much, this family curse of your or whatever it is, but it is tearing me up inside. We can’t keep avoid where it’s pushing us. We can’t.”
The beer bottle Alex clutched cracked in his grip.
“Shit!” he dropped it. Beer sloshed on to Harris feet.
“I reckon so.” Alex turned his hand, palm up. “Didn’t cut m’self. My hide is tough from wiping all those tables.”
He ran his hand along Harris’s arm.
“Does it feel rough to you?”
“No.” Harris took a deep breath and stepped into Alex’s arms.
They embraced. Alex’s forehead was at Harris chin hight. He looked up and bit Harris lightly on the jaw, continued biting as Harris lowered his head so they could kiss. This time Alex wasn’t as forceful as he had been at his apartment the night of the rain storm. His tongue tasted of beer.
“That wasn’t all that bad.” Alex stepped back. “Sit. This’ll make it easier for ya. Like I told ya this man on man, was a shocker to me. I couldn’t shake it, I figured if I watched what it was all about it would enough. Ya know get rid of these … urges. I watched this porno. I can’t tell ya how many I gave up on after five seconds. I got computer feed hooked into the TV.”
The porn started. It was called Learning to Pitch For The Other Team. It was two guys meeting on a street. They were guys Harris saw everyday on the subway or walking down the street. Average Joe’s with decent figures. Not gym buff at all.
While he watched, Alex got them another couple of beers.
The guys in the porno were suddenly in a living room. On the wall over the couch were a pair of baseball pennants. They talked about a ball game they were going to later that day. The taller of the two went to the kitchen and brought back a couple of beers.
They continued to talk. Sat closer.
Alex sat closer to Harris. As one of the guys on the screen put his arm around the other Alex did the same to Harris. The other guy put his hand on tall guy’s thigh. Harris did that. The guys in the porn talked but Harris couldn’t hear them. All he could sense was Alex close to him, his own hand moving along Alex’s thigh, to his crotch. Alex’s legs opened wider.
“Yeah. You wanna touch that, don’t you.” Alex breathed into his ear. “Go on.”
Harris didn’t want to touch. It was like adjusting a graphic image only he could actually feel it.
Alex kissed him. His stubble rubbed Harris’s face. He pushed Alex away.
“No, Alex! This is way too much.”
“Slowly. We can take it slow.” Alex pulled Harris tee-shirt off. Ran his tongue from his collar bone and down to his nipples. He bit gently, than harder.
Harris began to push him away but it felt okay. The slight pain was pleasant enough. The warm tongue mixed the with the scrape of stubble, the solid bite of teeth. Plus it was being done to him. He merely had to let it happen.
Alex moved to the other nipple and while he bit, his hand massaged Harris’s cock. Harris was surprised that he got hard. It didn’t make sense to him but curse or not, if this good looking guy wanted to suck his dick, such is life.
Alex stopped biting his nipples to kiss him again. “This isn’t too much for you is it.”
“I guess not.” He kissed back. Their tongues moving together. He let Alex guide his hand back on his cock as he continued to caress Harris’s.
“Why don’t we get out of these.” Alex stood, pulled off his polo shirt at the same time. He hauled Harris to his feet. With bare belly to bare belly he unbuckled, then pushed Harris’s jeans down, wriggled out of his sweat pants.
“Let’s … take a shower?” Harris suggested. “I’ve been at work all day, you know. I may not be my freshest.” He laughed. Anything to delay the inevitable.
“Sure. It’s this way.”
The bathroom was tiny. The shower stall was barely large enough for two people to stand up but not to wash. They had to slip and slide around each other to get under the shower head.
“I’ll just help you soap up and rinse down.”
Alex’s hands moved quickly all over Harris’s body. Touching his cock, balls, awkwardly washing his feet. He started on Harris’s ass and stopped.
“I can’t go there.” He spit water. “I thought I could but I can’t” He stepped out of the shower.
#Toronto #amwriting #dating #lgbtq #nanowrimo #novel
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