Santa Daddy

(WordPress has messed up line spacing & I can’t figure out how to fix it 😦

Santa Daddy 

get thee in front of me Santa
keep your hands where I can see them 

I know all about that list
I’m not one of those nice boys
whose naughty can be gotten for toys 

that better not be a fat suit
‘cause I tend to be a chubby chaser 

no matter how big the bag
there better be more happening than that
if you hope to roast
your chestnuts on my fire

so get thee in front of me Santa
don’t bother sneaking around
if you want my milk and cookies 

keep those damn reindeer quiet
your ad said discreet encounter 

honey those sleigh bells aren’t discreet
when you said you were into uniforms 

this isn’t quite what I had envisioned 

you have to offer more than
those spit-shined black boots

so guess you want to get down to business
no chit chat how you doing
just want to drop your load 

get out of here
not that I’m surprised
you have a full to-see list
if you think you can go that quickly 

it isn’t going to happen
I want more than an XXXbox
those elves you brought
aren’t going to make up for that

no I don’t want do some Coke-a-Cola 

I don’t want to be flying all night

so get thee in front of me Santa 

unless you long to Kris Kringle kiss 

my Christmas ass 

and say thank you sir
before you head back up that chimney

This is a fun, sexy Christmas poem that springs from the notions of gay men’s types & from what men say about themselves in their dating profiles. Dating is being generous as most guys are just looking to get off. There is something creepy about someone always watching you – Santa the voyeur, stalking children & rewarding them with toys. Getting to sit on his lap: fun or fraught with loss of boundary? Teaching that being good is how we earn favour.

 

Men in the gay world who like ‘larger’ physical types were once called ‘chubby chasers’ – a term that is no longer politically correct. Santa, as invented by some commercial artist fits the bearded chubby profile perfectly. Santa is the classic bear. The first verse ends with a nod to size queens (the bigger the dick the better the time) but for some if all there is a large package that isn’t enough without a personality to go with it.

 

A buzz word in many profile is ‘discreet.’ I still have no idea what that means. Are they fearful that the encounter will be on live twitter feed? That the hook up with become a FB invite? Or is it a way of saying – don’t be too fem? Perhaps, don’t ask my name, don’t tell me yours? But lets face it there is nothing discreet about Santa, particularly in his boots – perfect for a master to use to stomp on your … uh … Christmas tree balls, to teach you a lesson.

 

Clearly though Santa is and in-and-out man who does drop his load & gets out of there. As anonymous as possible. Coke is a reference both to the drug & to the fact that the roly-poly Santa we love was created to sell Coke-a-Cola.

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee on my trip to Cape Breton – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet 

C**k #Blocked

The nature of online ‘dating’ norms changes so rapidly I’m not sure if it’s possible to create a nettiquette guide. I can only speak of ‘gay’ male sites (some of which have a fair number of ‘straight’ men looking for action).

sofa one way of getting those legs in the air

Over the years I’ve been on several but reduced the ‘work load’ to  one in particular. I’ve made my profile wants pretty clear. My photos are explicit enough to draw attention. My details, as far as I can tell, leave no doubts as to my play boundaries and my nearest intersection. In fact that location is one of the first ‘reveals’ – don’t chat ten minutes then ask where I am & say ‘ooh that’s to far.’

If they ask where I am I know they haven’t read my profile & my interest will vanish rapidly. Thanks to my clear profile data my success rate is about .5% – rarely meet guys but at least I’m not wasting my time  while being ignored 🙂

head the elusive good head

On this ‘dating’ site one can see who looks at you, often while they are checking your profile – the intent is that then you can look back. Sometime when I get these looks, when I look back I’ve been blocked already – what gives? I’ve blocked a few guys who were persistent with stuff I already declined – no means no – but at least I gave them the opportunity.

soup ready to be of service

Often these already-blocked-me guys are guys I might not be interested in anyway Too young (i.e. under 30) or too pretty.  I suppose it’s a matter of control for them. But if you knock on someone’s door why run away before they answer the knock? Such is life.

samples

 

The Cloud of Knowing

 

hello everybody

I love you

that’s right

I love you

each and every one of you

that’s right

you heard me correctly

I love everything about you

I can’t be serious – you think –

but I am

I mean exactly what I say

 

hello everybody

I love love love you

but I don’t know you – you say –

I love you

because I don’t know you

I don’t want to hear anything about you

not even your name

keep that personal stuff to yourself

it always gets in the way of lasting love

such knowledge creates expectations

expectations that cloud love

 

I hate clouds

no matter how white and fluffy

so just accept my love

that’s all I want

you don’t even have to acknowledge it or return it

don’t even have to feel it

let it be the only connection between us

unencumbered unconditional love

 

hello everybody

I love you and you and you

reddoor knock knock