(WordPress has messed up line spacing & I can’t figure out how to fix it 😦
Santa DaddyÂ
get thee in front of me Santa
keep your hands where I can see themÂ
I know all about that list
I’m not one of those nice boys
whose naughty can be gotten for toysÂ
that better not be a fat suit
‘cause I tend to be a chubby chaserÂ
no matter how big the bag
there better be more happening than that
if you hope to roast
your chestnuts on my fire
so get thee in front of me Santa
don’t bother sneaking around
if you want my milk and cookiesÂ
keep those damn reindeer quiet
your ad said discreet encounterÂ
honey those sleigh bells aren’t discreet
when you said you were into uniformsÂ
this isn’t quite what I had envisionedÂ
you have to offer more than
those spit-shined black boots
so guess you want to get down to business
no chit chat how you doing
just want to drop your loadÂ
get out of here
not that I’m surprised
you have a full to-see list
if you think you can go that quicklyÂ
it isn’t going to happen
I want more than an XXXbox
those elves you brought
aren’t going to make up for that
no I don’t want do some Coke-a-ColaÂ
I don’t want to be flying all night
so get thee in front of me SantaÂ
unless you long to Kris Kringle kissÂ
my Christmas assÂ
and say thank you sir
before you head back up that chimney
This is a fun, sexy Christmas poem that springs from the notions of gay men’s types & from what men say about themselves in their dating profiles. Dating is being generous as most guys are just looking to get off. There is something creepy about someone always watching you – Santa the voyeur, stalking children & rewarding them with toys. Getting to sit on his lap: fun or fraught with loss of boundary? Teaching that being good is how we earn favour.
Men in the gay world who like ‘larger’ physical types were once called ‘chubby chasers’ – a term that is no longer politically correct. Santa, as invented by some commercial artist fits the bearded chubby profile perfectly. Santa is the classic bear. The first verse ends with a nod to size queens (the bigger the dick the better the time) but for some if all there is a large package that isn’t enough without a personality to go with it.
A buzz word in many profile is ‘discreet.’ I still have no idea what that means. Are they fearful that the encounter will be on live twitter feed? That the hook up with become a FB invite? Or is it a way of saying – don’t be too fem? Perhaps, don’t ask my name, don’t tell me yours? But lets face it there is nothing discreet about Santa, particularly in his boots – perfect for a master to use to stomp on your … uh … Christmas tree balls, to teach you a lesson.
Clearly though Santa is and in-and-out man who does drop his load & gets out of there. As anonymous as possible. Coke is a reference both to the drug & to the fact that the roly-poly Santa we love was created to sell Coke-a-Cola.
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee on my trip to Cape Breton – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoetÂ
