Stolen Moments

Stolen Moments

feel free to take offence

take all you want

particularly when it is not

my intention to give it


when I’m not aware of it

when I can’t even feel

you taking anything from me

strip it away

hoard all that offence

to yourself 

I won’t miss it 

once it’s gone

and you take it so eagerly

it must mean more to you

than it does to me

in fact

I won’t sully what you chose 

to take without asking 

by explaining

by putting it into any context

even by apologizing

for making it available for you to take

it was like a pie set to cool

you couldn’t resist a slice

but you can’t blame the pie

for being so desirable 

you felt compelled to take a piece of it

to eat all of it

until it made you sick

so if I make you sick

feel free

to take your leave
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another innocent man has been pied

and deserves revenge

how dare anyone sully the dignity

of powerful people

they have to be taught a lesson


so under the new laws

pie throwers will not be allowed to marry

they will not be allowed to breed

you may fire a pie thrower at any time

deny them housing

no equal protection under the law

for if they chose to flout the law

they get what they deserve


if  you as a citizen suffer from pie-phobia

you may kill anyone carrying a pie

or even if you think they have a pie

or may have one in the future

that might assail traditional values


further more

the word pie now enters

the codex of unmentionables

it is the dessert

that dares not speak its name

you cannot have that unmentionable dessert in a public place

only the privacy of your home

only if you are a registered eater

you cannot display that obscenity

on the Internet

works of fiction that deal with the

making of or consumption of

the aforesaid unmentionable pastry

will be seized and burned


one must not display such an item before the face of God

pastries were denied a place at the last supper

it is all there in the scriptures

beware the uncircumcised

beware the fluffy flaky graham cracker shell

damnation and everlasting suffering

is in store for those who countenance

the unnamable pastry


in fact all desserts are suspect

anyone who might enjoy a cookie

could be led down the path of degradation

to the unnamable pastry

that must never happen

this is the only way to get it under control

the very fabric of our culture

will collapse under such a threat pie

So we come to the last piece in the chapbook – flow is always important to me so the pieces follow one another for a reason. In this case things go from political personal to political global to politics of love to political silly and ends with political satire.

There was an actual incident that inspired Pie, the politician’s reaction was pretty much as described. I merely spun the context to its logical conclusion by seeing pies as gun control and then into the need to control period. People who won’t be controlled deserve to be taught a lesson. Queers getting beaten up for holding hands in public: they are just asking for it – right.blondshelf

That need to control branched out into other things people have attempted to control with the law and how illogical & unsuccessful that control has been. Pie-phobia killings of course reflects a long standing (& in some parts of the world still-standing) criminal defence that says assaulting a homosexual is justifiable if one makes a pass at you or if you even think one is about to make a pass at you.


Biblical scholars have speculated on the story of the bread & fishes. I tend to agree with the theory that Jesus actually handed out pumpkin pies. The first carved pumpkins in fact were to honour him and this miracle. Those heretical pagans have co-opted the true religious significance of the pumpkin but whenever I see one in a window or have a piece of pumpkin I am participating in this yummy Christian

So it’s not a great leap to pies crumbling our traditional values, then to religious justifications of that – yes, JC did share bread with his disciples but unleavened bread is not pastry, or perhaps it was a kind of shortbread? There are endless passages in the scriptures about the uncircumcised as well. Lemon meringue is my favourite pie. I do prefer the uncut crust 🙂soon

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

November 18, Wednesday: judging at Hot Damn! it’s a Queer Slam – Supermarket Restaurant and Bar 268 Augusta Ave., Toronto, Ontario M5T2L9




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