For the summer I’m going back to the series of pieces mythologizing my growing up in Cape Breton. The first of these appeared in my Camp Pinebow series, which is an extension of the Village Stories set in a summer camp. This was rewritten somewhat to fit into Camp Pinebow – for a previous version & discussion see https://wordpress.com/post/topoet.ca/3230
Giddy Up
a mainland business consortium
wanted our village
to invest in a moose riding academy
where young ladies of a certain pedigree
would learn to ride to the hounds on moose
these men had elaborate blue prints
detailed architectural models
all they needed were investors
it would take a lot of our money
to make money
so we wouldn’t be so dependent
on the fission plant or the strip bars
to put food on the table
when the villagers were reluctant
to part with their hard-earned cash
these men became derisive
of our close-minded
small-town mentality
of our inability to see this great opportunity
we offered to invest if they could
show us how to ride a moose
my Dad
took them to the moose breeding ground
we followed to witness this spectacle
much to everyone’s surprise
these city men were able
to get a saddle on a smaller one
when one of them climbed on it
the moose wouldn’t move
it barely looked up at him
as the man dug his heels into its sides
saying “giddy up – get a move on”
the moose’s dung-caked tail
swatted the back of the man’s head
when Brandi Toffee
their buxom spokesmodel
arrived to sit on the saddled moose
it went berserk
sexually aroused by the female legs
clamped to its back
the sight of the moose’s erection
caused the city men to fall into a swoon
which gave us no end of mirth
the spokesmodel lost her hair extensions
as they got snagged on maple branches
while she fled though the woods
the aroused moose bellowed pitifully
when it trapped her in her SUV
when we went to the SUV
to rescue Brandi
she was gone
the doors were ripped off
crumpled like paper cups
the windshield covered with marks
small dainty hoof marks
hundreds of them
round hollow
Brandi Toffee was never seen
again
the moose riding academy never opened
and we villagers kept
our hard-earned money
One of my Facebook feeds is news from Cape Breton & often the ‘news’ is of yet another small business opening there to boost the economy. Now with the legalization of marijuana there is a flood of hemp-centric businesses looking tax breaks to settle on the Island. The moose riding academy may sound far fetch but there have been equally as absurd proposals.
The piece also reinforces the presence & power of the moose. There are some in Cape Breton, there are more deer than moose to be found but the moose is a much more ‘amusing’ creature that deserves to be mythologized beyond that painting of the Queen riding a moose. She’s side-saddle, of course.
Most of this is fabricated, though I recall one time when a car plant (that eventually folded) had some starlet brought in for the opening ceremony. I don’t think they had celebrities for the closing. But they didn’t slink away in the night the way a few of these enterprises did. I recall one that built a new building, hired staff, then never opened. The pockets just weren’t deep enough.
In Pinebow this is one of the campfire stories. To fit it in I added a few scary details that are classic horror movie cliches. I enjoy the way it takes the moose mythos into darker dimension.
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr
