Top Ten Lists List

Have you seen this FB challenge: ten albums that changed/ influenced my life – actually you can remove ‘album’ & replace it with books, movies, poems, paintings, sex partners (for those of us who are willing to admit they’ve had enough sex partners to pick ten from) & finally: ten lists that have changed my life.

I’ve been tagged on some of these but never play along. It’s not that I don’t have favourites or that there aren’t things that have changed my life. I’m just sure what ‘changed my life’ means anyway. It’s not as if I can name a movie, book etc that turned me gay – there have been some that have confirmed that fact but none that are responsible.

Some things have unconsciously affected my tastes but this I only see in retrospect. Always wonder how, say, Hercules’s junk stayed under his tunic even when he was wrestling a lion – certainly had an affect 🙂 How it was that women would be naked for sex while the men often were fully clothed? No fly opens wide enough to actually fuck pleasurably. Stuff like that is where movies changed my life.

oh yes – 10 albums/musicians that influence my music tastes: 1. Stanley Black’s recording of Rhapsody in Blue; 2. Pizzicato 5; 3. Yes: Tales From Topographic Oceans; 3. John Coltrane: Blue Train & 4. A Love Divine; 5. Miles Davis: Kind of Blue, 6. Bitch’s Brew; 7. Beatles: Revolver & 8. Sgt. Pepper; 9. Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsodies; 10. Meco: Star Wars. Oh wait I forgot …. 

I have blogged here about many of my inspirations: writers, composers, painters. There’s a post in the archives of movies I watch over & over. There’s a difference between inspiration & pleasure. Not everything has to have some sort of emotional, creative weight to bring me joy. In fact nothing everything has to be ‘good’ either, it can be fun. I freely admit my shallowness 🙂

Or perhaps this list itch is a way if people exercising  some sort of control in a time when we fear the world is spinning out of control.

Confirmation

blood

my blood

sticky on my fingers

quick to cool 

iron on my tongue

red black thin

not enough to feel warmth

enough to know I have cut 

myself 

 

not where anyone can see it

I don’t cut for attention

no marks along my arms or wrists

no mesh of scars to explain 

to haunt me years later

 

I don’t remember how it started

was it to see some blood

or a need to make me hurt 

a grounding in shame

take that you stupid idiot

teach my body a lesson

teach my heart a song

let it sing that small drip refrain

 

I wash my hands when I’m done

watch the healing

then forget the ceremony

for hours 

for days

even for years 

before I am compelled once more

to feel my blood

sticky ripe between pale fingers

it smells the same

tastes the same

still comes as eagerly when called 

by the blade

as I evoke

a few confirming drops of my self

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees – thankspaypal.me/TOpoet 

#Babyshambles

Next on the pop shelf is some Babyshambles: Down In Albion/Shotter’s Nation on a mp3 cd compilation with Arctic Monkeys, Chris Brown, Jamiroquai, Pizzicato 5, Super Furry Animals.

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As Wilde says there is no such thing as bad publicity – I have Babyshambles out of curiosity when their lead singer kept making the news – I wanted to hear what music they made. I was expecting something sloppy but they turned out to be listenable, sort of Kinks like, but nothing grabs me either.

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The same with Chris Brown – though he is cute enough to do – the music on Diamond is contemporary r’n’b with hip-hop in the mix. Romanic, bragging, tough guy posturing & easy to take & without personality. It was his bad PR that made me want to hear him.

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The Arctic Monkeys here is a bunch of b-side & scraps as they rock out. Jamiroquai (more about him when I get to j) is a fun, danceable Stevie Wonder; Pizzicato 5 (more about them when I get to p) are an ear-friendly Japanese pop band; Super Furry Animals (more about them with I get to s) are a great Welsh rock band – on this CD I have some their Welsh language recordings.

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October 10-12 – attending – Gratitude Roundup http://www.torontogratitude.org

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October 19 – feature – Cabaret Noir – Pinebow newpinehttps://www.facebook.com/events/1651892755035275/

November 1-30 – participating – NaNoWriMo 2014 – http://nanowrimo.org

notebook

sample

Church

“Be an angel Beth and hand me that?” Gran pointed painfully to the jewel box on the nightstand.

“The whole box or just something in it?”

“The whole box dear.”

Beth carried the box over the bed. Her grandmother inched over to make room for it. This was a frequent ritual for the two of them. Each piece had a story, memory and a promise that brought her Gran some relief from her pain.

“Now I want to show you a piece I haven’t shown you yet.”

“Oh goody.”

Even at her age Beth found some girls take pleasure in new jewelry. Especially the pieces that her Gran had. Iridescent stones, gold clasps, small sparkling diamond flakes on ebony black enameled hair pins. But after going through this box weekly for the last several years she felt she had seen all of it.

She wanted to steady Gran’s hands as they trembled, shook, through the box but knew that would only slow things down even more. This was one of the things she knew brought some measure of control into Gran’s life.

Gran lifted the top layer off the box, removed several strands of beads and then tugged fitfully at the velvet bottom. It popped up suddenly and Beth glimpsed several pieces hidden there.

The pupils of her Gran’s eyes got larger as she licked her lips in anticipation.

“Ohh! My dear, I haven’t looked upon these in many years. These are even older than my grandmother’s earrings. Older than I can say.”

Her fragile hand slowly grasped the first piece. A thin strand of yellow metal. Gold perhaps. The links were a fine weave of knots and roses. Even in the dim light of the room it glistened and almost moved of it own in the air.

It was if it had been released from a long confinement and was stretching back into life. It dangled, spiraled, wriggled as the light from the hall played across it. The colors shifted from red gold to green umber to pure silver.

“I want you to wear this to the Church.” Gran dropped the chain into Beth’s hand.

“Church?” The chain was warm, it coiled & seemed to nuzzle into her palm.

“Yes, Beth. You must go the the service tonight. Wear this and perhaps you will see more than I have. I had my chance but was afraid. Do not be afraid.”

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