Flash Porn

On a recent Disability After Dark Andrew Gurza (aka Flash Wellington) talks about his longing to do porn. Part of that longing comes from his push for representation – there are no visibly disabled porn ‘stars’ that he knows of. He also discusses the logistics of his performing in porn: personal care assistants, physical limitations etc. Very logical thinking. Would I watch such gay porn? Probably but mainly because I follow Andrew’s podcast.

It would also depend on the main drawing power of porn, for most men, which is the size of the dick. As for representation anything outside of the hairless white twink is considered fetish or niche – wait, it has now become – the hairless, but tattooed, white twink, with a sizeable dick. It seems that though the camera adds pounds, it does not add inches.

Without boring anyone with my own personal preferences I will admit that I have over the years explored porn options. Of course what is now available thanks to the Internet was often unheard of when I was first seeking any sort of gay stimulation. Most of it was illegal in Canada in the day & those rules changed from province to province as well. At one time what was legal in Quebec could get you jailed in Ontario. Friends smuggled porn in spare tires when they returned from trips to the USA. The Internet changed that. In the days of limited access, representation wasn’t an issue.

Andrew already has his porn actor name ‘Flash Wellington.’ A good start on his career 🙂 I’d certainly throw some $ into a patreon call for support to get him into porn. But he’s in for a somewhat rude awakening as to his fantasy of the camaraderie. The social context is as workplace as technical as a hospital & sometimes as clinical.

Nordstrom http://wp.me/p1RtxU-1fO 

one of the great feast days in our village

was Founders Day

when we would be forced to recite

the saga of Mikke Nordstrom

the first human to set foot on this land

from where he had come remains unknown

all we have is the birch bark

on which he wrote in moose blood

‘I Mikke Nordstrom do hereby establish

a village on this spot’

he built the first trading post strip joint

from that quickly sprouted

what we know as our village today

 

to celebrate there would be reenactments

of his writing the proclamation

every one of the villagers

had to write it out a hundred times

then bring it to the bishop for certification

we couldn’t start the celebration

till this had been done

after that

would be the cleansing of the pudding

followed by the washing

of the 10,001 steps of the cathedral

this washing had to be done in silence

the only sound was the brush of moose hide

as the steps were polished by the village virgins

 

once they reached the top

the combined choir would sing

‘our moose in thee we are strong’

‘smelts be praise to God’

my mother always cried at this point

as she stood up to survey the streets

filled with proud citizens

 

after the silence was broken by our jubilant songs

there would be green apple pies to be eaten

cats to be annoyed

boys would be sent to the Whistling Woods

to lead the lost men

back to the village square

to be washed and have their wounds tended

sometimes these reclaimed men

would return to their families

some would slink back to the Woods

preferring the cold shelter of moose bones

to being a part of society

 

in the evening the fathers would gather

to tell us of the great wars

of how our village

had helped change the course of reality

once night was fully upon us

we would fumble through the dark streets

to the strip joints to relax

as the women danced on the unlit stage

 

in the morning there would be gifts

tokens of our village’s proud heritage

usually small aluminum amulets

with the face of Mikke Nordstrom

embossed on one side

and the village motto

colpejar als pobres ‘beat up the poor’

inscribed on the other

chapbooks for sale http://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

kiss3

HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam

http://www.queerslam.com

Tuesday – September 19 – feature – Art Bar Poetry series – 8 p.m., Free Times Cafe, #20 College At., Toronto – $5.00http://It’s No Accident

http://www.artbar.org

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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On Watching Straight #Porn

On Watching Straight Porn with A Gay Guy

I try to be amenable

let you express your needs

in ways that don’t go too against my grain

but don’t expect me to enjoy

what you enjoy

while it’s tedium for me

I like to see that look on your face

as you drift into that zone

 

don’t get me wrong

this process of yours

is harmless and irrelevant to me

the fact that it doesn’t do for me

what it does for you

doesn’t mean I’m judging you

in any way

or judging the object of your interest

I can’t get into it

have tried with you

and it leaves me more tired

than aroused

 

I’ve never been one to look

when I can just reach out and touch

you seem to think that it’s

this image or this face

that isn’t working for me

when what doesn’t work

is that I should be enough

that this outside train of stimulation

that pulls you along into action

takes too much of your focus

takes too long to get ready for play

 

there are somethings I don’t say

because it isn’t really that important

in the long run

you aren’t the One

but maybe if you didn’t have

this particular pleasure fascination

I might find you more than sweet

 

I’m not going to make demands

that you change

to suit my particular wants and needs

so I try to be amendable

to your harmless quirk

till you smarten up and see

I have in less and less interest in

the screen or to you

mirror03

Another piece that is great fun to perform for the right audience. Taking people into the rather banal world of actual gay sexual activity is fun – there seems to be this image gay guys just drop their pants & do the deeds – that we are so horned up for each other all we want is opportunity.mirror01

This guy was so into straight porn I wan’t even sure if he was gay. Queer porn didn’t work for him at all. He seemed to identify with the women sucking those dicks. He was also partial to Asian women with big breasts & long fingernails. More campy that erotic for me.mirror02

We didn’t start with this element but he introduced after a couple of play dates. I was willing to give it a try. I had nothing really to lose by being open minded. The guys in the videos were ordinary,even their cocks weren’t that huge; unlike the men in most gay porn who are never ordinary joes. But the straight guys were too passive, legs spread & being done. Faceless in a couple of the loops. I was bored.

snowtoy

The piece also reflects this slightly sluttish attitude by the ‘I’ – because though there are elements of the real in it, it isn’t about me but about an attitude towards sex – casual sex. I wanted the sex to be presented in such an off-hand way it has a bit of innocence left. Because the less emotional baggage with put on sex the better it can be.

 

soon

June 3-5: attending: Capturing Fire 2016 – The DC Centre – 2000 14th St NW, Suite 105 – Washington, DC

nufire

https://www.facebook.com/capturingfire/

June 11 – attending: The Toronto Poetry Talks – 10 AM – Metro Hall, 55 John Street, Toronto, Ontario M5V 3C6

poetrytalk

https://www.facebook.com/events/147955055574679/

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

wrestwk4

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mirror02

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Dangly Bits

Dick – that’s right this post, in stereotypical gay male style, is about dick: cock, penis, balls, nuts, dangly bits. Dick on line to be more precise, or rather the amount of it. It’t about the willingness of men, many claiming to be straight, to post cock shots grinning into dusty mirrors. Quantity as opposed to size – because size is too easy to manipulate – if it doesn’t look real it is probably photoshopped.

redbow01

If you don’t realize that porn created the internet retail, high-speed, hi-def, as we know it, then you are leading a very sheltered life. The need for secure credit card flow was vital for that industry – without that there would be no PayPal, no Amazon, no online banking. Porn proved there was a market for online shopping, that people longed to buy anonymously from the comfort of their homes. And that they wanted it fast & crisp.

redbow02

Back to dick. Even when I was on dial up I was amazed at the ease of finding & downloading explicit pics of men – nearly all were, what I call, professional. Clearly posed, well lit & sort of banal but hot all the same. I knew there was amateur sites but who wants to pay? Plus dial up was slow. Then I bumped up to high speed & HD.

Wow! a whole new world of dick was presented to me. Tumblr floodgates were opened. I have learned to close them to control the quantity. But what really surprised me was the number of men willing to drop their pants for a camera – often in front of some mirror – in front of mirrors anywhere – change rooms, washrooms, bedrooms, car mirrors. Selfies galore – all ages, sizes, races, types.

pink

There’s also instagram, vine, kik, snapchat, that are driven by dick pics – I don’t for a minute think these sites would grow if all we were getting were cute pics of kittens, babies or gramma’s birthday.

I suspect this endless stream of pics (of any sort) has created a new attention deficit culture – we remember only while we look but insist that each time we look it’s different or there’d be only be one tickled kitten gif. The endless streams allows for enjoyment of things we might not otherwise care for – race, size, get washed away in the flicker of dick pics.

goldsold

One last word about size – big ones photograph better but thanks to photoshop everyone can become larger. I’ve seen the pics of the same guy only with his dick shopped larger, shopped thicker only, hairier, no hair, cut, uncut, even successful transplants. I stop believing what I’m seeing – it’s just like reality TV – edited for viewer fantasy not physical reality or often possibility.

samples

Safety First

I pack the salmon salad

into a recycled plastic container

to preserve the earth

for a nanosecond each time I use it

is this the biggest risk I’ll take today

whether it will fit

into snug reusable confines

so that I am safe secure

comfortable protected

 

will I cross a street in the middle

will I try a new brand of tooth paste

minty gel tooth resurrecting fresh

will I go into a coffee shop

order everyone to the floor

screaming sweating swearing

life isn’t fair

everyone here will pay the over price

will I drink too much and pass out in a dumpster

get tossed into a compacter

 

will I dare God

to protect me from myself

from others

will I fly with knives hidden on my person

try to set fire to my tennis shoes –

will the fridge be be cold enough

to keep my salad from turning to poison

will I sit here and wait

for a mosquito bite to send me to the grave

do I dare

roll down my pant legs

tumble with an unprotected dick

 

is this what it has all come down to

these years of being mild in the street

leaving me here safe secure

not puzzled by it all any more

in salmon salad complacency

I don’t feel I came to the peak

I sense I finished something

that I don’t remember starting

 

why does it seem so much bother

to don my disco duds

hustle on down to the dance floor

when at one time

I couldn’t wait

show off my feverish moves

darting and hipping around

shake it baby shake it one more . . .

 

I don’t even feel a sense of loss

for the grab gut bust muscle

of music and indifference

I’m sure the stoic disinterest

men show each other

hasn’t changed over the years

then again maybe that’s what I need

someone else’s indifference

to butt my butt against

could that be the risk

or is it easier to make my salmon salad

tamp it into the container

and the container is the right size

praise be to God

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy more music – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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bow

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#Porn Has Ruined My Sex Life

Porn Has Ruined My Sex Life

he wanted to try

fucking

sprawled over the back of a couch

something he’d seen

in a porn movie

 

when it wasn’t as hot

or as easy as it looked

I had to tell him

porn movies aren’t instructional videos

he looked a bit miffed

as if it was our fault

that neither of us could duplicate

the endurance   flexibility

of those performers

 

I told him

they don’t do single take session

just like real movies

they stop for snacks

to have their testicular make up adjusted

which is even more important

now with everything in HD

 

I showed him one sequence

where the stunt dick steps in

to fuck the stunt ass hole

that the two actors

he had been so intense upon

had been replaced

for those all important close ups

unless between camera set ups

one of them grew a foreskin

and the other had his ass shaved

he wasn’t assuaged

by these revelations

 

once again

porn has ruined my sex life

and my couch

couch01This piece was inspired by exactly what it says – a guy I see wanted to try something he’d seen in a porn & when it didn’t flow as he felt it should he was let down but he was also the one to realize that what happens on screen isn’t reality.

The other facts about what happens on a porn shoot is stuff I’ve picked up from reading blogs by porn actors, & some from personal knowledge. I did watch a porn scene in which the genitalia of the actors changed for close ups.

couch02Some is totally random – testicular make up? Plausible but not practical under the extreme circomestances it would be used. Even though HD has changed porn somewhat, the amateur field has exploded anyway. Seems many find ‘comfort’ in the slightly blurred image – HD is too harsh a reality.

couch03I also notice the music in porn – when I watched it at all & if I watch it with sound. The great guitarist Mike Bloomfield recorded original music for porn late in his career but I haven’t found those released, yet. What I did find was Patrick Cowley’s School Daze: a great collection of early 80’s synthesizer soundtrack stuff. When I hear it on my iPod I feel like I’m walking down the street in a porn movie where a hot shirtless guy washing his car accidentally squirts me. I hope he can afford a new couch.

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couchx

holy groped

#Washroom #Selfies

Is there a National Selfie month yet? Maybe April, because that’s the only month with an I in it 🙂 One of the many things I realized when I watched the Vivian Maier documentary was, not only wasn’t I taking enough photographs, I wasn’t taking enough selfies.

me03 I’m down there somewhere

I consider myself more a guy who takes pictures than a real photographer but the film pushed me to make some concerted changes in my approach to what I point and click at. But I get bored easily and once I have enough pictures, say, of toilets at the curb, I lose interest.

me02 don’t ask about the mirror spatter

I have lots of shots of me taken by others, mostly me on stage trying not mug for the camera or the audience. So I decided to start taking pictures of myself in various reflective surfaces. I know the traditional selfie is camera at arms length pointed at oneself but that’s not me (yet).

me01 dimly dimpled

Turns out that the mirror selfie is an almost requirement for cute (or otherwise) (maybe) queer guys. I have seen endless washroom mirror shots of guys, flexing, smiling, jacking off, etc in the mirror. From all sides, nice ass shot hot stuff. Which lead me to start doing the same – only fully clothed. I picked public washrooms that I actually use – some in parks on my morning walks, some restaurants where I dine. Some in cast off mirrors on my walks. I’ve never been comfortable having my picture taken & taking my own makes me feel more uncomfortable – something about not wanting to appear too vain and lack of positive self-image iced together.

me04 there is an i in both urinals

This exercise has helped reduce those feelings, somewhat. The next phase will be to do adopt the comparison trope – guys hold something next to their cocks to prove just how big it is – remotes, beer cans, tape measures & the like. I won’t go the cock route (yet) but will see what I can hold up to show how big my ego is in relation to some ordinary item 🙂

 

samples

The Golden Triangle

I wonder where they are

that background – what is it

why that wall paper

why those paintings

the men in the picture

naked sometimes hard

sometimes with flies open enough

to let their business out

or pants pulled down enough

to see pubic flourish

with that aching member arching

into the camera’s eye

my eye

wandering away from the pivotal point

the golden triangle not holding me

as I wonder

where did they get those curtains

where is the light coming from

how long have they squirmed on that couch

that weirdly colored rug

while someone

clicks and focuses

getting them to turn this way that

ooh that’s good

getting them to pout to smile

grimaces that only convey

how uneasy they are in front of a camera

faces that reveal nothing

not even discomfort

sometimes a splash of stoned

the goofy far away look of someone

who has once again

retreated to some other moment

while someone with a camera

zeros in on the part of them

that tells viewers nothing

that may make mouths water

but it ends there

I wonder   what next

did they go for drinks

was there money exchanged

paying their way through college

or

are they just hapless street boys

lost and being prayed upon

are they confident hustlers

aware of the power of their sweet grins

firm chins and eager eyes

is there pleasure there

more than a rote factory of okay

if you ran into one of them

on the street

sitting across from you on a bus

or serving you a coffee

what do you say

do you recognize that face

does it seem familiar

but you just can’t place it

without those curtains behind it

if you remember

then what can you say

‘I really dug your scene on BBoys’

how do they move

knowing there are men

out there who know

their photographic

pixilated

flatscreen bodies

better than they know their own flesh

viewer and viewed

strangers in a circle

a lens

that captures them both

one in a moment that never changes

each time it is viewed it is the same

no new light no new angle

can fall on the image

no matter how often

I count the petals on the rose curtains

study the business

that is never put back in its pants

I can never taste it

warbox bigger is it than my head

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Creature From the Porn Lagoon

Had a good night at Plasticine Poetry Sunday. Sizable house, sold some chap books, signed a couple of them, got cash in hand (which I always declare), had my set recorded by Myke Mazzei for a future cd. Cathy Petch always the perfect host (except when she isn’t there & I end up as the imperfect host).

Heather Wood had the first feature spot. She read a story that will be in ‘The Anthology of Modern Fables’ – a fun piece about a cell-phone with telepathic abilities (I wish I had one with pre-call warning). She then did a stroll through ‘Roll With It’ – following one specific plot thread to it resolution in an Olympic figure skating routine. A well structured set.

my big fat gypsy tee

I was up next with my raunch attack. Pacing is key for me to keep flow of a set natural and to take, I hope, listeners with me. The first few pieces were sort of innocent, early, hunger-for-sex that weren’t overly explicit. Then each piece became more direct, always with a buffer of humor. As expected “my cock is so big/ it gives Freudians nightmares” brought the house down, as did:

“he dropped his pants to release

the creature from the porn lagoon
thicker than the accents
of an entire Brazilian water polo team

Brazilian water polo team

Jeff Cottrill started the second set. We have featured together a few times before – for some reason putting two big, bald, funny guys on stage is hard to resist – but our sense of irony & humor couldn’t be more different. I loved his ‘Love Letter’ – how tell a woman she’s beautiful without objectifying her. It was great to hear his post-modern self-reflective parody ‘Review of this piece.’

bed

Final feature was Carolyn Smart – she did a strong set of new pieces about Bonnie and Clyde. Her writing is simple, direct and emotional. She seems to avoid images that would distract us for the raw emotions and violence of their lives. Sadly her books were scooped away before I could buy one.

The excellent line-up of open stagers that opened and closed the show – including Lizzie Violet, Vanessa McGowen – sets the bar high for us features.

sample

Unfinished

whisps of chin hair

glasses a la skater punk nerd

he laughed about starbuck’s coffee

even tossed out a latin phrase

which wasn’t what I wanted tripping from his tongue

a frisky feel in the dark corner of the bar

made it clear he was packing more

than his uber baggy jeans reveled

when we got back to his place

he dropped his pants to reavel

the creature from the porn lagoon

thicker than the accents

of an entire Brazillian water polo team

balls emu eggs in the palms of my hands

skin was cozy tattooed flannel

his tongue a whispering clock

tasted of unripe apples

his teeth warm endlessly round ice crystals

melted drooling draining

each step of the ten thousand to the temple

his nipples express train rush pressure

immersion into the gutteral swamp of gasps

arm pits salt seasoned licorice tampura teasing

stomach muscle dunes

sahara but not parched for long

as we shifted camel humps

burdened with a growing growling treasure

an oasis of pubic eden cillia

savory basil black fresh crushed rushed

the creature from the porn lagoon

an already oozing fountain

watermelon baby power

his trembling tip lip touch

tumble choices chances escaping grasps

pushing back for more torrent torment

his laugh now clinking unfinished

coffee cups of memory

That’s So 50 Shades of Gay

(Chapter titles)

gay tripper
gay dream believer
gay by gay

tomorrow is another gay
our gay will come
what a difference a gay makes

our gayly bread

gay of the triffids
the gay after tomorrow

independence gay

give us this gay
the gays of our lives

orange you glad