Not Tonight Dear

Not Tonight Dear

I didn’t enjoy it

I never have

but so many do

I had to try it

I thought it might be different

with him

when I said yes

let’s do it

it was no different

I didn’t enjoy it any more or less

that I ever have

I expected

that if I did it often enough

with the right guy

I’d start to like it

start to see why others did it

but it never got more pleasant

in fact

I began to dread it so much

I stopped doing anything

with anyone

I didn’t explain

apologize

I kept it to myself

it seemed pointless to be contradictory

to have to explain it to anyone

I thought it might be better

with him

it wasn’t

I kept that disappointment to myself

even tired to act as if

it was great

oh baby oh baby

he was fooled

filled

I was happy to make him happy

looking forward to being together

yet dreading it at the same time

going through the motions

for the emotional pay off

My take on Law 38 reflects on people pleasing – things we do only to keep other people happy. Some of them are done out of politeness & have little emotional cost. Things like saying ‘good morning’ to a neighbour or asking someone how there are when in fact one doesn’t really care & often they feel it isn’t  any of your business how they feel anyway. We do this lock step of harmless courtesy that is more productive than being clearly indifferent or out right antagonistic.

When someone asks me how I’m doing I can’t even be bothered saying ‘ as you fucking cared!’ We all usually nod and say fine & go on or way. Do I enjoy those moments? Hard to say. But like many people I don’t have the energy or the inclination to challenge those harmless social niceties.

This piece does have a more sexual subtext though than mere social niceties. I know that for women for decades this sort of sexual cooperation for the good of the marriage has been a part of the bargain – putting their pleasure last – as if that made them more noble. Perish the notion they might impugn taxi masculinity’s sexual prowess.

I chat with, sometime meet with, guys who are into ‘things’ that don’t appeal that much to me but I’m willing to try – sometimes things that didn’t work with one guy work very nicely with another – often its a difference in attitude as opposed to technique. Also the speed at which things are expected comes into my willingness.

On the first date, as opposed to the fourth date – give me time to warm up to it – I’m a good communicator & let guys I meet know that directly – I’m not in bait & switch. Some this pieces comes from that sort of bait & switch. A guy says he’s a total top then after messing around becomes a power bottom who is pissed off at me for not going with this – not that I mind a power bottom but this switch is the off switch for me.

There are guys who try to ‘guilt’ you into things – someone, what are you afraid of, don’t you trust me, try it – because to many ‘no’ means negotiate & if you don’t negotiate you are a prude, no fun, not hot enough to begin with, or you should be grateful & give in as a way of thanking them for showing up.

If you are a top master dom who wants to train me as his sub & I say no thanks – it’s not because I am a closed minded prude but it’s because … well actually it’s none of his business why.

Like many of the Laws pieces this reflects some of me, but a past me who was eager for sexual experience & said yes to things & then realize ‘not for me.’  Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean I have a closed mind but is not an invitation for negotiation either.

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#DadBodHot

On a recent Disability After Dark, Andrew Gurza talks with @Keah_Maria who originated the # #DisabledAndCute & how that # has impacted her online presence. Never having experienced a ‘spike’ of interest for any # of mine I was interested to hear how she has made it work. Andrew also strives to find a catchy # & I wonder how many is too many? Who wants posts that are all # just to get attention?

For both of them the more personally they are invested in the politic of the # the more they feel it will be effective. I do know when I write about east coast & #CapeBreton I do get a few retweets but never have I seen a major jump in interest or followers as a result. Perhaps I need to create a more detailed # that might do more work for me.

There are hundreds of #queerpoets out there, ditto for anything that includes gay, lgbtq, black etc. To work the # has to stand out enough to create a market for itself rather than try to tap into one that is already there.

Andrew and Keah are creating awareness for their disability & claiming a space for that awareness. So I had to think of something that reflected a greater social statement but that also dealt with the physical reality of my gay life. Agism & lookism are two issues that underpin much of gay culture. Older is hot only if the body is well-toned or the cock is large. Otherwise please hide your tired saggy old body where it doesn’t scare the twinks.

Not that I don’t like those idealized bodies but I prefer the ordinary, average joe type. There are sites devoted to bears – large hairy chubby guys – but even there age is a factor. I’m not that chunky, not that hairy either – such is life. In an on-line chat with an average joe he said that one of things he found most attractive about me was my great Dad bod.

Great Dad bod! Me! I guess that’s true. The more I thought about it the more I loved that term – Dad bod. So thanks to that guy, Andrew & Keah I’ve coined my own # – #DadBodHot.

It’s About Time

call back later

not now

soon

another day

eventually

not this morning

just a second

don’t wait up for me

it’ll be worth the wait

antic-i-pation

don’t be late

night time is the right time

off-the-clock

the waiting game

when the stars align

premature

past due

on the dot

a watched pot

it’s over when it’s over

hold your horses

whats your hurry

it’s about time

it’s now or never

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Virtual Virginity

A couple of recent Disability After Dark podcasts with Andrew Gurza have looked at sex first times – Andrew’s & then guest Peter Morley. Like many gay men we knew we were interested in same sex long before we had the opportunity to act upon it. Though Peter was accessing sex in parks at the age of 15. These conversations allowed me to look back at my first thoughts, fantasies & actual experiences.

Where I grew up Sydney, Nova Scotia, there was a park that had a ‘reputation’ but at 15 I was too terrified to check it out at night to see if it lived up to that rep. My earliest ‘sex’ with guys was about 13 though – now that I look back on it, it wasn’t much more playing doctor.

When I was 12/13 we had a little vacation trailer in our driveway that I would sleep out in during the summer. My own little house. I had a couple of buds who would join me & we would play with each other’s cocks, get hard. One them heard about blow jobs but none us knew what that actually meant – we tried merely blowing air on each other’s cock – taking it literally – & not getting much out of it. There was even some ass play. I don’t think any of us ever came. But we all knew what we were doing was ‘dirty’ and the fear of getting caught put an end to such exploration.

About a year later an older guy – 16 I think, explained to me what jerking off was – I think he asked me something like ‘ever pull your self kid?’ I couldn’t wait to get home & try it. That became another dirty secret. My fantasies always centred on guys may age or as I got older pop stars like Mick Jagger or Jim Morrison. I do remember being fascinating by Little Joe’s package on Bonanza.

I remained hidden – dated some girls but only to keep up appearances. My eyes were always going to the guys around me. Fantasy & fear was the thing. It wasn’t until my mid20’s that I had actual sex with another man – drunken sex with a ‘straight’ bud – who came back with booze for more. Kissing & oral was all we did. This didn’t happen often but I always looked forward to those opportunities.

So I didn’t actually have what I can call real sex until I moved to Toronto in 1978. My summer of fun coincided with my first summer of sobriety. Fun is a joke – it was frustrating. Guys I found attractive were interested in younger, firmer, hairier. Not that I was so old but I clearly wasn’t what the market wanted. I remained a virtual virgin because what id id as a drunk didn’t really count, did it? So I had sex with guys I wasn’t that keen on simply because they were interested in me.

There was no Internet in those days, movies were silent super eights one could order from the back of magazines like Honcho, Mandate. There were porn stories in these that gave me some of technical info I needed but they were also awash with either romantic or performance fantasy. Eyes meeting, electric sparks, hours of sweet ass pounding sort of stuff.

So I was expecting some of that and instead got hasty kissing, fast clothing removal, messy orgasims with guys who didn’t want to leave their phone # of take mine. Sex didn’t lead to the deep relationships those stories ended up in. My learning curve was steep.

I’m not a virtual virgin because virtue has nothing to do with it. My first sober sex was so unremarkable I have no recollection of it. But it did happen. And still does.

Coffee Queen

I walked out

yeah I know I’m nobody to them

not selling me a cup of coffee

isn’t going to affect

their salary

their bottom line

five bucks less in the register

it’s not as if

it’s the only coffee shop on the street

I’m even willing to wait in line

as long as the line is moving

but if there are three sales associates

behind the counter

& I’m the only customer

waiting to be served

one of you should at least acknowledge me

not roll your eyes at each other

or chat

backs turned

or see me

then go to do something else

I walked out

without a word

I do this often

being the invisible man

has its drawbacks

I’m a nobody

no influence

merely a person who expects service

someone who has experienced

can I help you sir

oh yes let me show you where that is

is there anything else

in an ordinary drug store chain

or

sorry to keep you waiting

this one’s on the house

now I don’t want those servers

to lose their jobs

or even apologize

I walk out

wondering if there’s

a camera monitoring

that some manager will see

them so busy

see me walking out

and they’ll watch it together

shake their heads

some people have no patience

who does he think he is

the Queen of England

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August 31-Sept.3 – I have my ticket already

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You Want Me To Do What?

samp

You Want Me To Do What?

even when I make it clear

I don’t do this over that

they are surprised when

they arrive

I won’t do this or that

or when on those rare public meetings

when we get to discussing

where this mutual sexual interest

will lead too

there is this shock when I say

I don’t top first date

it’s not that I’m a tease

or set out to give off any total top vibe

I’m not there

to give them what they predicted

what they expect

demand

I spent years of doing just that

drop of the hat

drop of the pants

drop on your knees boy

on all fours

perfect

decades of doing just that

gets sort mundane

is that good for you

when I really didn’t care

I was just proving my manhood to myself

that yeah I’m a top fuck

so don’t mess with me

it became more work than it was worth

yes I guess

I still carry that attitude with me

when you have nothing to prove

it’s easy to assume

I’ll have a take charge attitude in bed

saying no topping yet

is part of that take charge attitude

I might even say

top me

which seems to be

even more unexpected

01-texture01Here’s my third take on Law 17: Cultivate an air of Unpredictability – bet you didn’t see that coming 🙂 In fact it is about coming or as they call it in erotica cummming (the more ‘m’s’ the hotter I suppose). It’s also another piece about what we present, what people expect of what we present, and what people really expect even when they are told what is offered.

01-greentexture02I don’t want to say some men are liars but … they often say one thing in hopes it will lead to another, the ‘another’ being what they really want. It’s like guy who claim ‘bottom’ but their profile pics are of their cocks. Or those who figure if they are ‘hot’ enough you’ll do what you say you won’t do once you’ve laid eyes on them. What I do on the first encounter is always limited – whereas some guys are ready to go the whole hog.

The piece becomes about the expect01-yellowtexture03ation of every queer guy who isn’t a total bottom to be ready to top & if they don’t top instantly they are some how a disappointment, not manly enough. Performance takes the place of sensuality, intimacy. Kissing, nipple tease are only done as preludes to lubing up. I prefer men who enjoy each step of the way, not ones who run up the stairs as fast as they can.

01-tiletexture04I am quite frank & direct about sex in my writing, in conversations where it is appropriate. Because I am familiar with S&M, B&D doesn’t mean I’m into it, ditto with cross-dressing, trans etc. I’ve had someone assume I was disabled because of my support for Andrew Gurza. Just because I know trans people doesn’t mean I’m trans or necessarily even sexually interested in trans people.

Odd how having clear boundaries leads some people to think you are a dom top ready to give them orders 🙂

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Dick-spectations

samp

Dick-spectations

he called me hypocrite

said that he felt betrayed

when after decades of knowing me

decades of our conversations

about the spiritual paths we’d chosen

that he was dismayed

to come across my profile

on a gay hook up site

I asked if my pics

didn’t live to his dick-spectations

 

turns out

he’d felt I was above that sort of thing

that I wasn’t living up

to the spiritual values I espoused

he felt that I had been a fake

all these years

 

I was puzzled

as we’d never really conversed

about sexuality in specific

only in general

he had his opinions about fidelity

which I never argued for or against

even though I didn’t agree with them

it wasn’t an issue

I never felt to the need to educate him

or anyone else for that matter

on

the fact that I might sleep around

was irrelevant

 

he’d looked up to me as an example

of a chaste ethical homo

one who

at my age

had found a spiritual fulfillment

that lifted me beyond

these physical needs

I said that it was too bad he felt that way

and left it at that

 

we never spoke again

 

I saw no need to repair that breach

being desexualized because of my age

my intellect my creativity

is never a good experience

and if I have to pretend

I’m not willing to get these needs fulfilled

or that I’m some sort of virgin

for anyone’s respect

that’s not going to happen
25-elecblack03Law 17 proved to be very productive because it spoke to me about conformity. Here I’m a hypocrite for not conforming to someone’s expectations of me in recovery and in age. It comes from more than one actual incident. In each case it was the realization by someone of my sexual activity.

25-elec04I’m out but not in your face about it. Many years ago I regularly went for lunch after a morning AA with several straight guys in the group. They knew I was queer. We ate at the same spot & they had flirtatious friendships with a couple of the waitresses. One day I remarked on how cute I found one of the busboys. Oddly that was the last time I lunched with them. The next couple of weeks they had other plans & we never resumed those meals. It was as if my being queer in theory was okay but in reality too much for them. Such is life.

25-elecred01But the more recent incident was one in which another gay guy in recovery came across my profile on a cruising site. This pretty much reflects our conversation around the expectations he had of me. Also told him I do have a private life that I don’t bring to meetings. It’s not as if sex is a shameful secret I need to talk about in that context. One guy felt that I was dishonest in not sharing that. Whatever.

25-elecgreen02This inability of people to allow sexuality & spirituality to co-exist isn’t uncommon. Rather than seeing one as the expression of the other it is as if one cancels out the others. The fact that I’m not tormented by lust doesn’t mean I’ve transcended it, if anything I’ve transcended (for the most part) cultural shame baggage around sex that creates that torment.soon1https://www.facebook.com/events/149545348875710/

feature

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Big Fat Tops Only :-)

13-redsofa02Disability After Dark  started 2017 with Andrew Gurza‘s interview with Jerome Stuart Nichols – a self-described big black gay guy. In nearly 80 min they cover the gamut of queerdom, race, disability, mental issues, alcoholism, weight & masculinity. And representation.

That is representation beyond token stereotype. Jerome asks why most fat people on TV have to be looking for ways to lose weight or being angsty about being accepted for who they are because of their weight – why can’t they be shown just being happy as they are in a context where no one sees weight as an issue. But then where is the drama in that?

13-redsofa03Andrew takes great pride in his lack of shame about his nakedness – I’ve seen the pics 🙂 – mainly because he wants to see disability eroticized, as opposed to fetishized. It made me wonder – is the world ready for Steven Hawking’s nude spread? If that question seems tasteless, or overly sardonic – part of Andrew’s drive is to force people to consider sexuality outside of what may be ‘pretty.’

13-redstrat01My Tumblr feed follows a very wide range of male types from dwarf, midget, Asian bears, thicker men, hairy dudes, Arab hotties, with some average joe’s in the mix too. In none of these groups do I see the visibly disabled with the exception of hyper-masculine Alex Minsky: a one-legged, tattooed, muscular, well-hung guy. I’m sure there’s a feed devoted to guys with walkers, leg braces but you know I want to see them with everyone not set aside as a sort of seamy side stream. This is what Andrew aims for as well. The Tumblr’s I follow I found because they were reposted part of a bigger thread.

13-redflower04Jerome talks about changing from being a bottom to being a top – how that has affected his sense of masculinity in a positive way. The podcast was long enough but I would have enjoyed more of an exploration of why there is no such thing as a masculine bottom? Did Jerome feel feminized when he was a bottom? The dynamic of top – bottom is perhaps too complex – having engaged in both I found both made me feel very sexual but no more fem or masculine than I already am. But this a topic for a later blog post.

samp03

Nothing To Lose

1

what have I got to lose

this is opportunity

not solution

this is a move in a direction

right or wrong

doesn’t matter as much as

this is a move in a direction

I have more to lose

by remain still

by keeping safe

all I have is to lose

2

I say no when I mean no

I don’t explain

apologize

don’t condition it as a potential yes

I’ll repeat the no

but if it takes more than one repeat

to be heard

I say nothing

I walk

because if you can’t respect my no

then my yes is meaningless to you

 

I say no

without anger

it’s not meant to punish

to teach anyone a lesson

it means exactly what it say

 

no

I don’t want what I don’t want

I don’t want that item on the menu

I don’t want to walk any further

I don’t want to talk about it

 

once I’ve said no

I’m not open to negotiation

any more than you are

in your eagerness for a yes

3

there are times when no is pointless

I can say no more shit

but it keeps coming

from people who don’t ask for permission

they take thing into their own hands

pick up the gun

don’t make excuses apologies

bold brash trigger pullers

teaching us the lesson

that tolerance isn’t acceptance

that the law

can’t legislate thoughts

 

there are no thought police

only pundits

to say how terrible it is

after the fact

 

after the fact

it’s too late to be bold

enough to say anything

even though before the fact

it was bold enough

to celebrate ourselves

our skins

our agency as humans

 

after the fact

it’s too late to say no

but by keeping safe

all I have is to lose

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Come

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks

Not to deliberately emit sperm.

12fence01

Come

oops

you should have warned me

I couldn’t control myself

it’s a mess

I have to wash off right away

we can’t cuddle in this puddle

it’s sticky cold icky

too icky

it stains

it feels so good

then gets to be disgusting so fast

to talk about the taste of his lips

is romanic elevating

but to talk about the taste of his come

is degrading

reducing sex to fluid emissions

just isn’t proper it’s déclassé not polite

not done in good society

not suitable for dinner table conversation

we can talk about the death toll in Orlando

but not about the oral pleasures in Orlando

the loss of life is elevating

the swallowing of come is common

stupid

lacks intellectual substance

only men with base instincts

would enjoying that sort of smutty talk

about semen

about coming

the shame of ejaculation

the subtext for sex-a-phobia

it’s okay if we kiss

but not if we come

love at first sight

not love at first shot

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Two in a Room

02-blue01On a recent Disability After Dark Andrew Gurza and guest Chris Maxwell Rose of  pleasuremechanics.com talk about, amongst other things, being present for each moment of sex. The kiss is a kiss not something you have to get out of the way to get to the bj. They talk about whole body sex not just hole in the body sex. I am more inclined to want more from a guy who is a good kisser and fun when we move past the kiss, than one who hates kissing but knows expertly how to get off.

02-blue02All too often it seems the speed of technique becomes the pleasure – getting their climax over as fast as possible so they can get on to something more important. Sex reduced a small concentration of nerve endings and the rest of the body is just getting in the way.

Chris shares frankly & emotionally about their diabetes that reduced sensitivity in various parts – needle pricks for testing that numb finger tips. How do you enjoy sex when ones major sensory input is no longer sensitive? Not everyone has a partner, as they do, to explore other ways of being erotic.02-blue03

I’ve known men & women who stopped trying to have kind of sex as a result of similar ‘disability’ – people shamed by the inability to perform as they once did but who show no willingness to explore other approaches. This is a cultural shame around sexuality. As Andrew frequently reminds us all too often the disabled are desexualized. Is this due to shame about sex by the nature of how we value the surface of people. Only pretty people deserve to have sex without shame.

02-blue04

 

When we reduce ourselves to those clusters of nerve endings do looks become unimportant? To be two in a room, naked, together – no technique can match that shiver of vulnerability & there’s no shame in that.

 

samplesMan In The Moon

he says

you’re so smooth

 

he runs his hands

along my stomach

I think

my belly isn’t flat enough

 

he says

your skin is so soft

so smooth

he is kissing me between his words

he turns me onto to my stomach

stroking my back

I can’t get over how smooth you are

how soft you are

he cups my ass cheeks

squeezes and parts them

I love your ass

firm and smooth

 

I’m not sure what to say

I don’t want to stop

the flow of his words

the flow of his hands

I have been touching him too

he isn’t as smooth as I am

each time I start to reply

he kisses me

 

let me enjoy you

he says

I can tell you are enjoying me

you like my touch

 

yes I say

 

I love your ass he says

smooth firm warm

ivory heated by afternoon sun

it is so white I bet it glows 

like the moon

 

it glows when you touch me

I say

 

he laughs a little

I like to be

the man in your moon

 

I can’t say

your skin is so black

it would feel weird

not that I am colour blind

but that isn’t what attracts me to him

it is his fascination for my skin

I never expected to be so fetishized

so sexualized

because of my skin colour

because of my smoothness

I don’t see a reason

to turn this into a discussion

about race

 

I like to fuck white ass

he says

as he lubes me

 

I know

I tell him

you’ve told me that before

 

he slowly enters me

you like my black cock

you like it in you

 

yes I answer

you have a wonderful cock

I don’t tell him

it would be a wonderful cock in any color

I don’t tell him

how little I usually like getting fucked

I let him

I invite him

 

because he tells me

you skin is so amazing

a miracle

I love your ass

 

while he’s fucking me

I choose to believe him

soon02

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on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

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Early 2017:

my first local feature in over a year: location date TBA

it came in

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from  Capturing Fire 2015 & 2016

August 31-Sept.3

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November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

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Accessing Anal

On couple of recent Disability After Dark podcasts Andrew Gurza talks about experiencing sex & the importance of communication. His need to make sure his partners are aware of his limitations is clear but even he finds guys often only hear what they think, not what he says. Telling someone that he isn’t so fragile that they can ‘handle’ him with more than gentle pats can lead to them thinking he’s so demanding it isn’t worth the effort. As a result he’s considering writing a handbook: Accessing Anal.

14-greenboat-01He discussed the fact that he (at least at the time of the podcast) was an anal virgin. His reasons, besides his physical limitations, are pretty much the same as mine were at one time: being clean enough, being relaxed enough, being flexible enough to enjoy it. How to tell your partner how you enjoy it being done without coming off as being a power bottom (or top) dom.

Something I’ve also found is many guys aren’t interested in doing it any way other than the way they want. Often that way was the one they learned from their favourite porn videos. So that if you don’t roughly ram your dick in fast or aren’t loose enough to take it fast then the problem is yours not their manly studliness’s issue. For some ouch is not the safe word but encouragement.

14-greenboat-02As a top or bottom I’m willing to deliver rough play but not willing to experience it. Some men need, enjoy more pressure, abrasive touch than I enjoy. If they really want me to hurt them I’m cool with that but if they really want to hurt me I’m not interested – especially if there’s been no ground work for that sort of play. I met up, only once, with a guy who had to literally feminize his partner: I was given panty hoe & told I would like to wear them, to be his hot slut girl. Wrong.14-greenboat-03He was pissed at my no, why did I bother coming to meet him. I told him if I’d know this was his thing – which is fine – but it wasn’t mine, that if he’d told me before hand I wouldn’t have wasted his time. I didn’t tell him it wasn’t a waste of my time because I enjoyed saying no, more that I would have enjoyed the panty hose.14-greenglass-04I admire Andrew’s directness & it has reinforced & encouraged my own directness. I’ve been told that I am rather intense, even intimidating, because of that – such is life. If a guy can’t handle it, he doesn’t get to handle me either. samp03

Might Clouds of Coulds

you could be right

you might say that

it doesn’t quite suit me

it’s a possibility

sometimes it seems that way

sounds good in theory

can’t say that I have

it’s pointless to disagree

that’s not what I meant

looks can be deceiving

for now

not that I was aware of

give or take

I don’t always enjoy that

maybe another time

I guess it’ll do

don’t get me wrong

it was just a joke

don’t ask me

it’s up to you

things change

I’m really not sure

I can for now

don’t quote me on that

not always

I can’t put it into words

another time perhaps

you picked the wrong day

I never said that

if you say so

not this time

I could be wrongsoon02

 

14257567_1162384753819933_3271661288579707843_o
on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nano_odwv0rd0j91s3yvqto2_540

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

Early 2017:

my first local feature in over a year: location date TBA

it came in

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrmirrorhttps://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Hard On

samp

Hard On

just because

I have a hard on

doesn’t mean I’m horny

it’s not like

we’re in high school

& I can hide it behind my books

or tie a jacket around my waist

yes I do have a hard on

that is an erection

yes it is very hard

like a rock

like a rocket ship

but

you aren’t the landing pad

I’m not interested

I’m not even pretending I am

what more can I say

to convince you

I’m not interested

no I don’t find you repulsive

but it’s not you

that’s making me so hard

when you kiss me

when you pinch my nipples

anyone can do that

and I would get erect

so it has nothing to do with you

you can ignore my hard on

in fact

I wish you would

just take your hands off my balls

stop licking the head of my dick

I’m not interested

I didn’t take my clothes off

for you to give me a blow job

I didn’t

take your clothes off

for that reason either

it was just something to do

honestly

I didn’t come here to have sex with you

that was the last thing on my mind

I’m not having sex with you

to make you fall in love me

I don’t want to be in love

I don’t have the time for that

neither do you

we are adults

we can control ourselves

we can ignore these erections

and get on with our conversation

nice weather isn’t it05-brownshelf-01One of the creative approaches I take is to state the obvious & push it to the limit. Here with Law 3 I  play on the political theory of implausible denial: deny everything even if what you’re denying in as plain as the nose your face. Donald Trump is not racist & if you quote his words that demonstrate he is a racist you are either misunderstanding  him or another hater. The marvel of spin is that people will often accept the spin as truth. Here there is no attempt at spin but of denial.05-brownshelf-02I like dealing with the unreliable narrator – one in which the reader knows the truth that the narrator is trying to cover up – well in this case there nothing being covered up 🙂 It’s also about the way gay men will have sex but deny it has any emotional subtext. This need to make it seem mechanical – purely physical & nothing more.05-brownshelf-03I reverse expectations as well – to deny interest as a way of baiting the hook, as it were. Sort of reverse psychology. The mixed message messes up the mind too – the body saying yes, the mouth saying no – & clearly here, neither party is stepping away from the actual contact, is actively pursuing it, acknowledging that it is going on & denying the motivation for acting on it.05-whitedresser-04Of course that final contradiction about ‘falling love’ is the most telling one – underneath our real sex is hidden the desirers for romance – a switch from the traditional telling them you love them just to fuck them. soon

14257567_1162384753819933_3271661288579707843_o
on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 7:30 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.hotoct

https://www.facebook.com/events/1047981975249926/

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nano_odwv0rd0j91s3yvqto2_540

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

Early 2017:

my first local feature in over a year: location date TBA

it came in

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

SAM_1101

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet