Our Song

Our Song

It was a mistake 

to look at his music collection

I just prayed 

that none of it would be used

as background music 

tastes I don’t share

don’t care to share 

his love of musicians

of song writers

I can not take seriously

safe banal tepid stuff

so middle-of-the-road

I’d want to hit the next telephone pole

rather than listen to this music

 

it came as a bit of a surprise

as we were compatible 

in so many other ways 

he asked me what I thought

was there something I’d like to hear

this is his favourite

am I familiar with it

and I said yes but let’s not bother

we don’t need distractions

which he agreed was a wise choice

 

I didn’t offer any opinion

didn’t denigrate his taste

or rather the lack thereof

I wasn’t there for music appreciation 

I didn’t intend to let anything

disturb

distract

from the momentum of the opportunity

Anyone who follows my blog knows my love of music. Check out my Monday posts where I’ve been discussing my music collection – pop, classical, jazz & beyond. I like so much music one might conclude I have no discernment. As this piece reveals I do have preferences that can affect my emotional response to people, places & opportunity.

 

This piece is based on actual experiences. More than once I have glanced as someone’s wall of cds & lost my interest in them – you know industrial grind is good for 3 minutes, thank you. Ditto death metal. Though I was as surprised to meet gay men into those genres, I wasn’t about to invite that as mood music for making out. When I tell someone I like jazz and they offer me Kenny G I know it’s time to move on.

 

 

I have not pursued some non-sexual friendships based on music taste as well. I believe that music reflects something about the person & what some music reflects to me a red flag. If I’m not into it I’m not going to subject myself to it just to get along.

 

 

But I’m not a music taste educator either, if you want education read about what I enjoy my Monday blogs. My primary purpose in most situations in to be present & if it is sexual, to participate & if the music is too loud, or distracting I’ll opt for silence. I have walked in & out of restaurants if the music isn’t what I want to listen to while I’m eating. If the music isn’t something I want to listen to while being eaten I’ll ask for it to be changed without saying turn off that fucking awful music. 

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Hip To Be Them

 

Hip To Be Them

because of my entitlement

pronouns are irrelevant

but to some 

every he his him

in a text is an attack

on their identity

they feel discounted distanced

 

I could think

don’t be such sensitive

cry babies

who feel every thing in life

that doesn’t kowtow to your comfort

is an attack on your sense of self

but I accept this sense

of being made invisible

being treated as a non-person

not included 

not seeing yourself represented

in a meaningful respectful way

 

I grew up as a queer boy

who never saw otherness of any kind

represented except in a sneering way

that equated gay with feminine

setting the standard

that anything not masculine 

was not valued

 

if it wasn’t represented 

it didn’t exist

or merely wasn’t worth representing

I began to realize

that mens’ fragile masculinity

wouldn’t allow anything

to reflect on that fragile masculinity

so buddy movies always had the

culturally acceptable romance subplot

so no one could sense any homoerotic 

shenanigans were possible

between the men

 

pronouns have become relevant

definition creates awareness & possibly change

but because it’s irrelevant to me 

what pronouns anyone chooses

that doesn’t keep me from respecting

its relevance to you

I sometimes forget who has opted to be a them. I find it awkward to do a review of a poetry reading when there are assorted pronouns to deal with which them is them referring to? I try to stick to names as much possible particularly when it isn’t clear who is a they from the outset. At the Playground Conference people were given stickers to chose from – he, she, they, or ask me. I chose the ask me, but no one did. At my age one is no longer considered sexually viable & are rendered invisible – so pronouns are my irrelevant.

 

Gendered neutral language is still so tentative that using it is a political statement. I wonder if sometimes people are looking to be argumentative rather than self-defining – a sense that use of pronouns covers the itch to get into a intellectual slap fight. If one chooses to use the pronoun that goes with their cisgender, regardless of how supportive they are, they become the enemy for not shedding culturally imposed grammar.

I like the way that gender roles are being challenged by something as simple as specifying a pronoun. The reactions to this have mainly been cisgendered heterosexual men who are intrenched in their right to decide just how you are to demonstrate your gender – i.e. all gay men are limp wristed feminine punch lines to jokes. Any challenge to their entitlement turns them into self-righteous victims of the very people they want to victimize.

Fragile masculinity forces these men to say things like ‘no homo’ rather than express some sort of affection towards another men. They respect a bully and elect proudly womanizing presidents. Imagine if that president wanted to be called they – I half expect him to start using the royal we. Personally I have chosen “it” or “that” for use in my bio, or, when given the opportunity, at conferences or readings.

   

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Have A Seat

Have A Seat

she struggled

snuggled

into the subway seat

next to me

gave me an irritated glance

 

my knees were tight together

my shoulder bag on my lap

my elbows pressed to my waist

my ebook open and balanced

on top of my shoulder bag

taking up as little space as I could

 

‘do you mind’ she muttered

I pulled my feet closer

‘I said do you mind!’ she was angry

I chose to ignore her

I couldn’t take up less space

she elbowed me sharply

knocking the ebook askew

 

it wasn’t my fault

the seats were so small

that there no way I could take up less space

 

‘what an asshole’ she said loudly

‘keep your hands off me’

 

someone looked down at us

I shrugged

my hands were clearly

clutching my ebook & my shoulder bag

in place

 

more people got on

the now over-crowded car

the a/c wasn’t working

it was hot stinky

I had ten more stops to go

and she was muttering

‘fucking asshole men

think they can get away

with pawing women

when ever they want’

 

I didn’t need this aggravation

put my ebook into my shoulder bag

pulled myself out of the seat

and indicated it as empty

to a woman much bigger than me

then watched the face

of the angry woman

as she was squeezed even tighter

and

for some strange reason

it felt good

when the large lady said

‘move a little. do you mind’

I prefer to walk an hour to get anywhere rather than take public transit. When I do take the subway I always have my earbuds in & my Kindle to protect me. If I could I’d wear gloves too. Usually, if there’s space, I’ll stand – sometimes I sit just to get out of the way. I never quite get it when other passengers feel it’s their right to blame you for crowding them when someone is crowding you too.

This piece is a composite of various personal or witnessed experiences of mine in transit, on the subway, bus or streetcar. I’ve heard people muttering things like ‘asshole men’ or ‘fucking bitch’ because there wasn’t room for them to look at their cellphones.

I’ve sat on empty three seat rows that quickly filled within stops & have been crushed into the corner while the chrusher acted as if I wasn’t there or as if it was my fault for not ceding the entire seat to them. In winter it’s impossible to make a parka take up less space.

Most people try to maintain some decorum in transit but others are quite eager to take advantage of the captive audience to call attention to their discomfort. I have seen men take quick advantage of the proximity & felt helpless to do anything or even know what to do. Stop everyone rushing to get up stairs?

I have been told to take up less space. I have, as in this piece moved to distance myself from a muttering seat mate. Engaging is never a solution – I don’t know who has a knife. I have done exactly what happens here. Given my spot to someone else to deal with the mutterer. I didn’t feel victimized just grateful.I have more important things to worry about than sitting in transit – like,  where’s my hand sanitizer 🙂

coming soon:

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

 

The Shame of Ejaculation

The Shame of Ejaculation

oops

you should have warned me

I couldn’t control myself

it’s a mess

I have to wash off right away

we can’t cuddle in this puddle

it’s sticky cold icky

too icky

it stains

it feels so good

then gets to be disgusting so fast

 

 

to talk about the taste of his lips

is romanic elevating

but to talk about the taste of his come

is degrading

reducing sex to fluid emissions

just isn’t proper it’s déclassé not polite

not done in good society

not suitable for dinner table conversation

we can talk about the death toll in Orlando

but not about the oral pleasures in Orlando

the loss of life is elevating

the swallowing of come is common

stupid

lack intellectual substance

 

only men with base instincts

would enjoying that sort of smutty talk

about semen

about coming

the shame of ejaculation

the subtext for sex-a-phobia

its okay if we kiss

but not if we come

love at first sight

not love at first shot

This is the first of the 13 saṃghādisesas. It starts with an ‘oops’ – a very common one of ejaculating at perhaps the wrong time & apologizing for it. It deals practical matter around what to do with the wet spot. No one likes to sleep on. I’m one of those who likes to have a warm damp facecloth handy when making out for quick clean ups so the flow won’t be too disturbed.

 


I’ve know guys who dash to wash as soon as they’ve come & others who cuddle awhile then get dressed without cleaning off at all. I never question but I always clean up before the second round. When opportunity presents a shower before round 3 is recommended.

The piece then shifts to how people respond to talk about sex. I’m pretty sure some that first paragraph more graphic than they are comfortable with. Talking about sperm is smutty. perhaps okay for giggling about but to talk about like some household task. Queer in theory is fine but don’t go into the messy details. We can talk about the gay serial killer in endless detail about let’s talk about your gay romantic life.

My first title for this piece was ‘Love At First Shot’ which is an ironic play on ‘love at first sight’ and ‘shoot first ask questions later’ but I saw that i was stepping away from the issue with a playful title that wasn’t so in your face. Oops, sorry, I have a damp cloth right here 🙂

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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Taste Test

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks. This is the last of the 13 saṃghādisesas: 13 Not to spoil the confidence and the consideration that the people have for the dhamma.

Taste Test 

It was a mistake

to look at his music collection

I just prayed

that none of it would be used

as background music

tastes I don’t share

don’t care to share

his love of musicians

of songwriters

I don’t take seriously

safe banal tepid stuff

so middle-of-the-road

I’d want to hit the next telephone pole

rather than listen to it

 

his taste in music

came as a bit of a surprise

as we were compatible

in so many other ways

he asked me

was there something I’d like to hear

this is his favourite

am I familiar with it

and I said yes but let’s not bother

we don’t need distractions

which he agreed was a wise choice

 

I didn’t offer any opinion

didn’t denigrate his taste

or rather the lack there of

I wasn’t there for music appreciation

I didn’t intend to let anything

disturb

distract

from the momentum of the opportunity

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Entitlement

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks. Another of the 13 saṃghādisesas. 12. Not to reject admonishments made on his behaviour.. Like many of these this is an unfinished rough draft.

Entitlement

it didn’t matter to me

because of my entitlement

pronouns are irrelevant

but to some

every he his him

in a text is an attack

on their identity

they felt discounted distanced

I could think

don’t be such sensitive

cry babies

who feel every thing in life

that doesn’t kowtow to your comfort

is an attack on your sense of self

but I accept this sense

of being made invisible

being treated as a non-person

not included

not seeing yourself represented

in a meaningful respectful way

 

I grew up as a queer boy

who never saw otherness of any kind

represented except in a sneering way

that equated gay with feminine

setting the standard

that anything not masculine

was not valued

but because it’s irrelevant to me now

doesn’t keep me from respecting

its relevance to you

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Beware of Falling Rocks

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks The 13 saṃghādisesas – 11 Not to encourage a bhikkhu who works to divide the saṃgha.

Beware of Falling Rocks

thinking for yourself

is a good thing

thinking only of yourself

isn’t the same good thing

I appreciate originality of thought

but not of disruption

when it seems

all you are interest in

is disruption

shaking things up

by destroying them

that is not productive

not conductive to growth

when we spend more time

repairing or building anew

as opposed to building

on what we already have

if what we already have

is so unsound

it will fall of its own according

and not

according to your judgement

so you can stop

jumping up and down on the earth

you may dislodge a few rocks

you can’t bring down the mountain

and those rocks

will only fall on you

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Relevant

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks. This is next of the 13 saṃghādisesas – 10 Not to create a division within the saṃgha.

Relevant

it is a matter

of what is relevant

of what I think

I can bring to the situation

without creating

even more a divide

when neither party

is willing to hear the other

they are so invested

the rightness of their opinion

of their interpretation of things

each sees the other

as an attack of fundamental values

of their personal wants & needs

in fact each says things

that I once said & felt

but no longer see the value in holding on to

harmony became more important

than forcing things to my view point

compromise was a sign of willingness

to change

 

which why I was willing

to keep my mouth shut

neither placating or explaining

people who don’t listen

aren’t worth my relevant time

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Copy Cat Fight

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks – 9 Not to make believe that a first bhikkhu has committed a pārājika by deliberately accusing a second one who shows similarity with the first.

Copy Cat Fight

no one could believe their eyes

it was if the likes of this

had never happened before

two people arrived

wearing almost the same thing

same colour same garments

different cuts

claiming they didn’t know

what each other was planning to wear

didn’t go to the same designers

didn’t plan to arrive

within minutes of each other

aren’t sleeping together

didn’t have the same ideas

at the same time

aren’t embarrassed at all

didn’t mean

to pull attention from the others

besides

isn’t not a sin

to be so similar

being original

isn’t all its cracked up to be anyway

no they’ve never met before now

they aren’t interested in meeting

or being photographed together

different agendas

different lives styles

nothing

understand this

absolutely nothing in common

please stop using our names

in the same sentence

we don’t agree on anything

ever

except of course

these coincidentally similar outfits

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Unadulterated

 

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks. Next of the 13 saṃghādisesa:s 8 Not to groundlessly accuse a bhikkhu of having committed a pārājika.

white flower

Unadulterated

it is clear

that I misunderstood

your intentions

read something into your intonation

when you said

‘they don’t deserve to live

the Bible tells me so

my right as a normal male

means I am not bound

by any law that goes against

my authentic self’

 

I didn’t realize

you were joking

that when I repeated what you said

by taking it out of context

I had made you appear

to be a racist bigot

some of my best friends are racists

I may not approve their life style

but they have every right to be who they are

just as you do

I didn’t judge

your statements

it’s not my intention

to cast them in a negative

I merely reposted them

to make others aware of them

that others

took umbrage

is a consequence beyond my ability

to contain

defend or reverse

 

I understand

you were iterating

the well founded sound logical

appropriate permitted

tenets of those around you

you have the printed proof

and besides

you really didn’t say that

the dash board cam was faulty

the TV crew was manipulating you

the statement you published

wasn’t written by you

 

so it is my fault

for repeating it verbatim

it wasn’t meant for the general public

who were watching the national broadcast

only for those already in agreement with you
accept my apology

for misrepresenting your statements

by repeating them

unadulterated

white flower

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flowerstump

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