The Shame of Ejaculation

The Shame of Ejaculation


you should have warned me

I couldn’t control myself

it’s a mess

I have to wash off right away

we can’t cuddle in this puddle

it’s sticky cold icky

too icky

it stains

it feels so good

then gets to be disgusting so fast



to talk about the taste of his lips

is romanic elevating

but to talk about the taste of his come

is degrading

reducing sex to fluid emissions

just isn’t proper it’s déclassé not polite

not done in good society

not suitable for dinner table conversation

we can talk about the death toll in Orlando

but not about the oral pleasures in Orlando

the loss of life is elevating

the swallowing of come is common


lack intellectual substance


only men with base instincts

would enjoying that sort of smutty talk

about semen

about coming

the shame of ejaculation

the subtext for sex-a-phobia

its okay if we kiss

but not if we come

love at first sight

not love at first shot

This is the first of the 13 saṃghādisesas. It starts with an ‘oops’ – a very common one of ejaculating at perhaps the wrong time & apologizing for it. It deals practical matter around what to do with the wet spot. No one likes to sleep on. I’m one of those who likes to have a warm damp facecloth handy when making out for quick clean ups so the flow won’t be too disturbed.


I’ve know guys who dash to wash as soon as they’ve come & others who cuddle awhile then get dressed without cleaning off at all. I never question but I always clean up before the second round. When opportunity presents a shower before round 3 is recommended.

The piece then shifts to how people respond to talk about sex. I’m pretty sure some that first paragraph more graphic than they are comfortable with. Talking about sperm is smutty. perhaps okay for giggling about but to talk about like some household task. Queer in theory is fine but don’t go into the messy details. We can talk about the gay serial killer in endless detail about let’s talk about your gay romantic life.

My first title for this piece was ‘Love At First Shot’ which is an ironic play on ‘love at first sight’ and ‘shoot first ask questions later’ but I saw that i was stepping away from the issue with a playful title that wasn’t so in your face. Oops, sorry, I have a damp cloth right here 🙂

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First Taste

First Taste

I remember my first taste of come

how it felt in my mouth

trying to swallow

with dick taking up so much space already

not wanting to gag

not wanting to seem inexperienced


I knew it going to happen

yet when it did I was a surprised

the quantity   the taste   the consistency

the after taste


the feel of the cock

getting bigger  fuller  a little harder

the brief throb as sperm jarred out

jammed into my throat


he groaning

holding my head to keep me from pulling away

even though I had no intention of pulling away

wanting to this first time to be perfect


I remember that taste

but don’t remember him

can’t recall if the cock was cut or not

we were both drunk

that’s how it happened in those days

I had to be drunk to let my guard down

our excuse juice

my distorted sense of good and evil

put sex into the dark where

only someone drunk enough

would be   could be

so dirty   so perverse


the revolution has happened baby

we can suck cock and talk about it on TV

get advice on what to eat

to make sperm taste better

calorie reduced and no trans fats either

but nothing yet has matched

that first dirty taste of the perverse


I suppose I should have had a trigger warning at the top of this post besides explicit sexual content. This piece has none of the surreal imagery as last weeks. No attempt to distance the reader with clever language or an innocent detached amusement with no actually sex act described.bld02

This is one of my ‘in your pants’ raunch pieces which I usually perform when I get to do queer erotica events – it’s clearly not intellectual enough for the more serious minded queer literary events where last weeks piece would fit in perfectly. I don’t think I’ve performed this at a non-queer event though.

The first draft was easy to write. In editing it I paid attention to phrases like ‘sperm jarred out/jammed into.’ I needed to capture a sense of thrust at the moment of coming plus I like the word jam with its two meanings – something to spread on toast & something push dint a space.bld03

I move on to a more reflective mood in remembering this first encounter – being drunk was pivotal – the lowering of inhibitions. I used to call it ‘excuse juice’ – there are still men who are only queer after a couple of drinks.bld04

Things have pretty much changed from my early sexual experiences. I no longer need to be drunk to enjoy sex for one thing. The TV show episode is real though I can’t tell you want show it was but it was out of Europe. The ‘calorie reduced & no trans fats’ is a my spin on the information on line one can find about the biological contents of sperm & also food packaging trying to sell you ‘all natural’ supposedly healthy junk food. Now that’s perverse.

March 16, Wednesday: judging at Hot Damn! it’s a Queer Slam – featuring  Dominic Berry Supermarket Restaurant and Bar 268 Augusta Ave., Toronto, Ontario M5T2L9


November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo



Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh?

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr