Dildettes Finger-Bangers Delight

The Dildettes played to a packed-to-the-rafters crowd at Buddies. It’s been a few years since I last had the opportunity to hit the stage at Buddies and when this opportunity presented itself I was quick to take it. Plus the Dildettes requested raunch – a stretch for me I know but I did pull something out of my pants to satisfy the audience.

chairass chilling casino

The Dildettes Cathy Petch, David Bateman and Regie Cabico offered comedy sketches, puppetry, poetry, singing, bad dancing, drag, musical saw and flashy costumes. The show opened with a the diary of a dildo in its owner dresser drawer (made me glad I resisted writing something from the dill’s pov) followed by modern dance poetry or perhaps poetry vogueing? The stars moving to music, striking a pose to recite a short piece.

crackdildo this crack

They took the stage separately, using the space fully – coming down the stairs, moving through the audience. Too many strong moments to list, harder to pick out a favourite: “I love unicorns because they have dildos built into their heads,” “the sexual tension between his cock and his brassiere,” “shoving sex toys up my ass till it felt like an Ikea project.”

redIkea red

Great lighting, music, costume changes elevated the poetry making strong work even more powerful. We saw Tina Turner, Elvis, Snow White channelled on stage at different points. Loved the zit popping tango, I want a casino rant and the truth behind emoticons :-O. There wasn’t a dry seat in the house by the time the show was over.



I opened the show with my guest spot & started it with this to set the tone for the rest of the show:


I like to watch

I like to see my cock going into a mouth

I like to have the lights on

to look them in the eye

as my cock goes into a mouth

though I have never seen the reverse

a cock going into my mouth

I tried a few times with a mirror

but it took too much attention

too much focus from the action

I wanted to be in the action

not observing it

as if I was watching porn

though the cocks I suck aren’t porn cocks

neither is mine

but when I see it going into a mouth

a hand holding the root

the mouth happily eagerly

working a tongue around the the head

my dick looks like a porn dick

I fuck that mouth

hold that head

or grasp those biceps

as he going down to the root

gagging for a second

happy to gag

eager to gag

I like to watch

I also did Born to Be Blown and The Future of Sex (both in recent blogs)

not getting into my drawers

get into my drawers

The Future of Sex

I’ve been working on my guest spot at “The  Dildettes  at  Buddies! THASSRIGHT.” One of the requirements, for some reason, was to write a piece that included, in some way, a dildo. Fitting one in isn’t as easy as it sounds 🙂 I resisted the temptation to do a top ten list of songs that were originally about dildo’s: Dilly Jean; Teenage Dill Dream; etc. because it was too easy – Walk on The Dillside.


fence gallery

I wanted something that wasn’t directly about the dildo – no descriptions of life from the dill’s point of view, or a how to buy, use or break-up with one: “The Dill is Gone.” But something that showed how a dill can become a part of one’s sexual vocabulary in a sensible, as opposed to a fetishy, way.


shady nook painting

As I started the piece it took its own direction and shape. Like many of my pieces it pretty much wrote itself in a first draft over two days. I let it simmer for awhile before going back into it for pacing, sequence and story – not that there is a real story in this just snippets of various conversations stitched together and some very soft-core sex thrown in to pull it together.


green glass

Some of my thoughts & readings on identity, our expectations of love vs. sex got into the mix, as well as a thread about getting old. I’ve met some guys under 30 who think meeting the right guys means never having to look for sex again. Or that when one gets to a certain age sex becomes unimportant. I smile, nod & move on.


The Future of Sex

he kisses like he means it

like he needs it

as much as I do

there is no rush to get naked

but there is a need to

we mean to be bare with each other


the compulsion of the flesh

a subtext for our concerns

about each other’s activities

his work

family at xmas

driving conditions

my writing

our notions of love

not that we are talking

about being in love with each other

but what love means to people


I’d say to men

but it doesn’t really vary

from gender to gender

he’s seeing someone he likes

I’m living with the same man

for over thirty years

is this enough for either of us

or is this need for enough

a reflection of a cultural social paradigm

that says we have to seek a mate

for life

to make our lives fulfilled and satisfying

that we need to settle down

we’ll have someone

to look after us when we get too old

to look after ourselves


so we won’t end up lonely bitter old piles of bones

stranded in a corner of a geriatrics ward

with only our memories of great sex

to keep us warm

too feeble to appeal to anyone

to even reach for a dildo

because honey there ain’t no handbook

on gay geriatric sex


I’m pretty sure the will to live

is tied into the will to get it off

but because age is so disgusting

only dildos will be willing to do the job


he rolls to face me

erections touching

says lets worry about the future of sex

after the sex of the moment



What Did That Man Want?

I continued that conversation with the guy who asked me what I wanted. My reply was that I was looking for opportunity, communication to see where things might lead – that I wasn’t looking for the ‘one’ but if that what was present I’d be interest.  I asked him what he was looking. He replied that we weren’t looking for the same thing.

wldlfparkette wild life

What that ‘thing’ was he didn’t say. It was clear that, like many guys, he didn’t really read my profile. Unlike many, I’m clear about what I want – the fact that he even asked was pretty much admitting he hadn’t read it. What I don’t say is that my ‘wants’ apply to first dates, as it were, more is possible if we get past that.

hassockhassock in the wild

One of the first things in my profile is my nearest intersection – so guys know where I’m at. If they ask what area I live in that usually ends my interest. If they ask if I’m into any number of things not on my profile I figure that haven’t read it and there goes my interest too.

wildlifeeast end wild life

Some find it hard to believe I don’t do drugs, other than coffee, or drink. If things get to the point where I send them my youtube links I often never hear back from them. Poet in theory is interesting but in actuality scares ’em off.

I think this man wanted a reason to move out of Buttstink, Newfoundland – as if being stuck there wasn’t reason enough.


Personality profile test 534

Where you you rather go:

1. to the store

2. to the mall

3. to New York to see the Producers

4. to Easter Island

Would you rather:

1. roller skate

2. roller blade

3. ski

4. sky dive

Would you rather wear:

1. Donna Karen

2. Hugo Boss

3. Coco Chanel

4. Christian Dior

Would you rather eat at:

1. McDonald’s

2. Harvey’s

3. Wendy’s

4. Denny’s

Would you rather drink:

1. Scotch

2. Draft beer

3. Red wine

4. Soda water

Would you rather have sex with:

1. A woman

2. A man

3. A man and a woman

4. Yourself

Would you rather have a threesome with:

1. A stranger

2. Your partner

3. Your next-door neighbour

4. the co-host of the Sex Wars

Do you have a craving for:

1. Chocolate

2. Attention

3. Affection

4. A roof over your head

Would you rather:

1. Listen

2. Tell others what to do

3. Follow the lead of others

4. Drop dead

Which shoe would you prefer:

1. Converse runners

2. Six inch stilettos

3. Mary Janes

4. Doc Martins

Would you rather dance:

1. The tango

2. In a ballet

3. On a lap

4. Alone in the moonlight

Have you ever cast a spell for:

1. Love

2. Money

3. Revenge

4. Power

How do you get to work:

1. Public transit

2. Bicycle

3. Car

4. Helicopter

Are you more like:

1. James Bond

2. Don Rickles

3. Eva Gabor

4. Mother Teresa

Where would you hide the body:

1. Under the bed

2. In a closet

3. In the attic

4. on a deserted island

Which would you save first

1. Money

2. A sick puppy

3. A drowning baby

4. Your relationship

What do you look forward to the most:

1. reading a good book

2. working in the garden

3. impressing people

4. helping the homeless

Do you have in your home:

1. A washer drier

2. A fully stocked bar

3. A work-out station

4. A four car garage

Which do you see life as being:

1. Hopeless

2. Worthless

3. Pointless

4. Endless

Do people see you as:

1. Full of it

2. Cruel

3. Miserly

4. Pushy

Which do you see yourself as:

1. Bossy

2. Cold

3. Indifferent

4. Smug

What color would you paint a room:

1. Midnight black

2. Blank white

3. Tedious blue

4. Timid beige

When you hear the word love do you think:

1. Trapped

2. Opportunity

3. Dead end

4. Sacrifice

Which would you rather cook:

1. Cornish game hens with fresh mushroom stuffing

2. Sole almondine

3. Stuffed red and green peppers

4. Rodents

Where would you hide:

1. Under the bed

2. In a closet

3. In the attic

4. on a deserted island

lostwild life on my roof 

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr