face the fence
teddy in the wild
outgrown?
the return to silence
vanity curbed
go to your corner
teddy vs security fence
dirty bottom
Sunday – January 26, 2020 – 1:30 – feature: The Secret Handshake Gallery, 170A Baldwin (Kensington Market) – 1:30
https://www.facebook.com/events/498405247456842/
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees. Thanks paypal.me/TOpoet
Sometimes I am reminded that some people don’t know as much trivial shit as I know. I was reminded of this the other day when a friend of mine says he refused to put up Christmas lights because they were too Christian. Ordinarily I would let someone’s misinformation slip by but this one I had to address. To make this even odder he was unaware of the pre-Christian roots of the Festive season – that the Church co-opted Saturnalia (much as they did with Easter). I also told him there is no mention of outdoor lighting, other than the Star, in the Bible.
I figured everyone knew that what we know as Christmas didn’t come into being until the late 1800’s. Yes, I know there were Christmas feasts for centuries but it didn’t hit its commercial stride until Dickens & then all shopping hell broke loose. He was stunned to hear that Santa Claus, as we envision him, was created by Coca Cola.
Holiday lights spring from the Victorian custom of placing the Christmas Tree in a window for passers-by to see it. It wasn’t until electric lighting that the tree moved into a corner & the windows were trimmed. The tree & lights go back to the ancient Yule need for more lights during the darkest time of the year. Those crafty Church folk quickly made the light represent the Star. Very wise. There’s are lots of excellent documentaries on the history of Christmas so do more research if you want to know more.
I find the PC correctness of the Holidays amusing – calling it Christmas isn’t inclusive of non-Christians. But let me tell you any merchant will accept your cash this time of year whether you are Christian or not. So I go to Festive gatherings, holiday parties. It’s a wonder we get to hear actual carols like Silent Night without some sort of trigger warning. Being an avowed non-Christian I embrace what I can – I love Starbuck’s Egg Nog latte. I’m sure even the Magi would see the wisdom in that.
Dark of Five
Invitation
in the dark of five in the afternoon
I have no fear of death
just a fear that putting it in words
becomes an invocation
to what needs no invitation
Contemplation
duende knows no time
no clock no light
nothing is needed
nothing is sacred
diversion is sacramental worship
as long as there is no need to focus
there is no need to fear
there is nothing to push away
the duende brings its own ripe red bite
the edges are crisp clear
you are just wretched rat shit
hoping that you have a way out
there is no need to escape
there no where to go
where the black ribbon won’t tie you
cannot define you but will end you
no need for need
all will be hidden revealed discarded
Avocation
my fear is that only in death
will I be discovered
that the vast treasure I contain
will only spill forth
like gold nuggets hidden under my skin
when death slices that thin membrane
to send them raining ringing like love
Consternation
in the dark of five
do I dare invoke duende
while I sit at my window
the fade of an ice etched day
the mortal cold of that snap grip
dances between dust flashes
the empty air ghost filled
Invocation
I call upon the balsam east
rising hope’s dream language
to assuage pain it can never cure
I call upon the spruce south
the scald of blooded lusts
words tossed to defend portents
all that has passed and will come
I call upon the Douglas west
a sense of past to build on
recall the many who have stood here
to evoke from you a shared memory
our separate histories that
understand pine but see a different box
I call upon the evergreen north
the clarity of moon on brittle snow
the gash of revenge regret atonement
join with the strength from below
the earth that holds divines the future
it has the silence of the sky above
the sun to reflect on us
who count on words to illuminate
what turns out not to be seeable
in the dark of five in the afternoon
HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam
https://www.facebook.com/events/1895647050666334/
June – dates t.b.a – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C.
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy ice cream in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr
NO NO NO thank you
he asks a leading question
the one to find out
if I’m in to him
if I find him sexually desirable
I don’t want to lead him on
but I also don’t want a discussion
about why I don’t find him sexually desirable
because we have met face to face
we have gotten naked for a play date
but there was no sexual chemistry
I don’t really care if I see him again
I don’t want to be friends
I have enough of those already
that I don’t have time to hang out with
I sense that if I say yes to friends
he’ll always have that naked again hope
that when I decline
he’ll get pissed at me
for leading him on
because we are socially comfortable
on opposite sides of a table
in a coffee shop
how honest do I need to be
to not come across as cold
indifferent
he asks that leading question
which isn’t going to lead
to where he hopes
because even through
there was no sexual chemistry
we both enjoyed it
but for me
enjoyment isn’t enough
As with many of the Laws as prompts this one, Law 12, is where it lead me & bears little relation to the actual law. ‘Selective honesty’ led me to think of those situations in which a truth is told ‘You are good looking’ while with-holding ‘but I’m not into you.’
This deals with the treacherous waters of friends with benefits, people-pleasing and control. The emotional situation is not confined to same-sex attraction. I’ve met many who got caught in ‘relationships’ built solely on the other person’s attraction to them, not on their attraction to the other person.
A two hour tumble, that leads to a two week fling, then moving in after two months, then breaking up after two years can take twenty years to get over. Too many get caught up in the shame of admitting no attraction & the fear of telling another person there is no attraction – not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings is a trap. It’s almost a fear that admitting sexual motivation makes one shallow so we pretend these feelings we may not have or no longer have. Finding a way to let them down easy, or to be let down easy – as I’ve been on both sides of this equation.
These days I’d rather come across as cold than lead someone to believe there’s more than there is. The hurt is more embarrassing than traumatizing anyway. It might be an ego boost to spend time with someone who wants me but whom I’m not so into but in the long run it never does them any favours.
Personally I’d rather be told ‘no thanks’ than be lead on because some guy fears he’ll hurt my feelings by saying there’s no interest. By lead on I mean saying things like ‘let’s play again’ then being too busy because being busy is easier than saying no – same with ‘not tonight.’ Say ‘no’ twice & your balls are out of my court for good.
on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted: Disability after Dark iTunes
http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html
Early 2017:
my first local feature in over a year: location date TBA
April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm start
http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html
June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –
check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015 & 2016
August 31-Sept.3
https://www.facebook.com/events/526940540845331/
November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr
Back in 2012 I wrote a post about taking pictures (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-8U). Since then I’ve upgraded my camera – don’t ask for details I know nothing beyond point, press button for close-up lens, click. I really don’t take picture I take captions.
puzzling evidence
The range of what I look for has expanded some what, though I’m still not taking pictures of flowers in bloom. I also find that when something catches my eye – discarded toilet for example, the next week or so I’ll see them everywhere – same with bathtubs, couches.
Shoes are everywhere – in a gutter, in a show back, in a tidy row along a park sidewalk. Same with socks, gloves, even house plants – nothing sadder than a still growing plant kicked to the curb.
the prison of misfit toys
I’ve added garage pics thanks to my walks through lane ways – I like the ones that are somewhat ‘distressed.’ Houses & front yards are often so camera ready while the garage is a shack.
I’m always on the look out for things that tell a story – miscellaneous objects in the wrong spot. Color helps to – I won’t be taking any more pics of lost black or white socks or gloves or scarves – lime green and I’m pulling my camera out.
not pablum either
I always include three new ones with each WordPress post, plus one from the archives. These tend to be random & often unrelated to anything in the post. I’ve been posting sets of 5 to my tumblr account, that don’t get posted here. http://topoet.tumblr.com/
May 26 – attending – King John – 2 pm – Stratford
June 6-8 – attending – Bloody Words
June 23-27 – attending – Manuscript to Book – Loyalist Summer Arts – Belleville, Ont https://www.facebook.com/events/589522924455695/
getting the L out of oyalist
August 28-31 – attending – FanExpo Canada http://www.fanexpocanada.com
The Golden Triangle
as I watch
I wonder where they are
that background
why that wall paper
why those paintings
the men in the picture
naked sometimes hard
sometimes with fly open enough
to see pubic flourish
or pulled down
to let their business out
with that aching member arching
into the camera’s eye
my eye
wandering away from the pivotal point
the golden triangle not holding me
as I wonder
where did they get those curtains
where is the light coming from
how long have they squirmed on that couch
while someone focusses clicks
getting them to turn this way that
ooh that’s good
getting them to pout to smile
grimaces that only convey
how uneasy they are in front of a camera
faces that often reveal nothing
not even discomfort
sometimes a splash of stoned
the goofy far away look of someone
who has once again
retreated to some other moment
while someone with a camera
zeros in on the part of them
that tells viewers nothing
that may make mouths water
but it ends there
I wonder what next
did they go for drinks
was there money exchanged
paying their way through college
or
are they just hapless street boys
lost and being prayed upon
are they confident hustlers
aware of the power of their sweet grins
firm chins and eager eyes
is there pleasure there
more than a rote factory of okay
if you ran into one of them on the street
saw him sitting across from you on a bus
or serving you a coffee
what do you say
do you recognize that face
does it seem familiar
but you just can’t place it
without those curtains behind it
if you remember
then what can you say
‘I really dug you on the Internet’
do they know there are men
who know their photographic
pixilated flat screen bodies
better than they know their own flesh
viewer and viewed
strangers in a circle
a lens
that captures them both
one in a moment that never changes
each time it is viewed it is the same
no new light no new angle
can fall on the image
no matter how often
I count the petals on the rose curtains
study the business
that is never put back in its pants
I can never taste it
my stem is cold
Just me, chatting music and shit.
A Blog Without Niche
A Writer's Blog That's Not.
Honest. Satirical. Observations.
Gabriela M Author of the Year (2019) at Spillword Press NYC
Reflections and research on fifty plus years of artistic vision
Spoken Word & Songwriting
life
a painter writing, images and text
a peek behind my eyes.
