there are days

when I am more confused

days that start 

with me feeling pretty confident

in my worldview

in my opinions about things

often things that have nothing to do with me

things that don’t depend of me

except as a faceless person


I’m pretty comfortable in that milieu

having only the weight

of my own thinking to carry

then along comes

someone I know

who challenges this safety zone


I realize

I may not be as liberal & accepting 

as I think I am

apparently being supportive

means totally 

not merely 

as far as I’m willing to go

if I don’t go all the way

I’m a fraud


if I’m not intimidated

I must be interested

but if I’m not interested 

then I’m still trapped 

by cultural concepts of gender 

by heteronormative ideals of sexuality


this all came about

when a trans friend

was peeved that I didn’t find them

sexually attractive

to be frank I didn’t even find them

asexually attractive

but I did enjoy their articulate way

of dealing with struggles 

of their self discovery

I didn’t realize

my lack of sexual interest was unsettling

was a lack of acceptance of their struggle

so I was confused

I was suddenly like

every other cismale they’d ever met


because I didn’t know any better

I stepped away from that opportunity

to find a human beneath the struggle

one that is perhaps still

struggling to find itself

I stepped out of the way

I’m not one to hold back progress

while I find a space for myself

in a world where there 

is so much black and white thinking

there seems no middle ground

for compassion


There is truth in this but not all of it is my direct experience. I know a fair number of trans people – transitioned or -ing in either direction. I’m pretty comfortable with them as well. I also know androgynous, asexual people. So far none of them have hit on me, at least not f2f. I have some transmales contact me on dating sites though. After a few messages it was clear there really wasn’t enough interest on either side pursue things. Mainly because I’m too old.


But I have had a couple of trans who thought because I was friendly that I was interested. As I’ve told a few guys, just because I like what you are wearing doesn’t mean I want to get into your pants. It’s that delicate balance between people’s need for acceptance & their sense of self. I know that when I was a drunk a kind waiter meant he was clearly interested.


Some of this comes out of other people’s experiences around these issues of sexual attraction, gender & political correctness. It’s similar to the bear community bitching about body shaming while at the same time shaming people who are too thin for being politically ensnared by heteronormative standards of looks.


Confused? Then you feel a bit of what this piece talks about. If one is so radical what difference does it make what the body is – but then again if any body will do, you are clearly a slut. I have heard trans people say that if you really supported me you’d have no issue with sleeping with me; denying the other the right to have an acceptable opinion.




There seems to be no middle ground.



Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2019’s – sweet,eh?

You Want Me To Do What?


You Want Me To Do What?

even when I make it clear

I don’t do this over that

they are surprised when

they arrive

I won’t do this or that

or when on those rare public meetings

when we get to discussing

where this mutual sexual interest

will lead too

there is this shock when I say

I don’t top first date

it’s not that I’m a tease

or set out to give off any total top vibe

I’m not there

to give them what they predicted

what they expect


I spent years of doing just that

drop of the hat

drop of the pants

drop on your knees boy

on all fours


decades of doing just that

gets sort mundane

is that good for you

when I really didn’t care

I was just proving my manhood to myself

that yeah I’m a top fuck

so don’t mess with me

it became more work than it was worth

yes I guess

I still carry that attitude with me

when you have nothing to prove

it’s easy to assume

I’ll have a take charge attitude in bed

saying no topping yet

is part of that take charge attitude

I might even say

top me

which seems to be

even more unexpected

01-texture01Here’s my third take on Law 17: Cultivate an air of Unpredictability – bet you didn’t see that coming 🙂 In fact it is about coming or as they call it in erotica cummming (the more ‘m’s’ the hotter I suppose). It’s also another piece about what we present, what people expect of what we present, and what people really expect even when they are told what is offered.

01-greentexture02I don’t want to say some men are liars but … they often say one thing in hopes it will lead to another, the ‘another’ being what they really want. It’s like guy who claim ‘bottom’ but their profile pics are of their cocks. Or those who figure if they are ‘hot’ enough you’ll do what you say you won’t do once you’ve laid eyes on them. What I do on the first encounter is always limited – whereas some guys are ready to go the whole hog.

The piece becomes about the expect01-yellowtexture03ation of every queer guy who isn’t a total bottom to be ready to top & if they don’t top instantly they are some how a disappointment, not manly enough. Performance takes the place of sensuality, intimacy. Kissing, nipple tease are only done as preludes to lubing up. I prefer men who enjoy each step of the way, not ones who run up the stairs as fast as they can.

01-tiletexture04I am quite frank & direct about sex in my writing, in conversations where it is appropriate. Because I am familiar with S&M, B&D doesn’t mean I’m into it, ditto with cross-dressing, trans etc. I’ve had someone assume I was disabled because of my support for Andrew Gurza. Just because I know trans people doesn’t mean I’m trans or necessarily even sexually interested in trans people.

Odd how having clear boundaries leads some people to think you are a dom top ready to give them orders 🙂

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